A Guide to Social Climbing

Have you ever noticed that every school has cliques and that each clique has its own rules that determine whether you are accepted or rejected? For many students the clich� that they belong to will play a major role in who they are and what their schools days will be like. For this reason I believe it is of crucial importance that the younger generations of students are educated in the 3 tenets of coolness. By acquiring these skills, they will have a higher probability of growing up to become mature adults who suffer little or no emotional trauma, at the hassle of their peers.

Depending on the category of school you attend and the area in which it is located, its social hierarchy may change. Nevertheless, typically the popular people are at the top, the losers at the bottom, and in between are several different classifications. Being conscious of where you belong is vital. It is easy to put yourself within a division, unless you understand complex nature of school cliques.

The “losers” are at the bottom of the social ladder, forced to function outside of the cliquish system. No one truly wants to associate with them. The majority of students emotionally abuse the losers and use them as scapegoats. They’re teased relentlessly and, as a result, are shy. Their shyness and quietness are a way of deflecting unwanted attention to themselves. But no matter how quiet they are, they often find themselves as the object of a cruel joke. Common characteristics here are quietness, low self esteem, “doormatish” behavior, unusual calmness, and homicidal impulses.

Above the losers are Nerds. These teens average A’s and maybe some B’s. During lunch, in the corridors is where you’ll find them. Usually them pretend to do school work but are actually playing computer games. And just in case a teacher walks by they utilize their ability to quickly change the computer screen from Space Invaders to an English Literature essay. If they are not, they find other things to occupy their time with that make the ‘preps’ and ‘populars’ laugh at them.

If you have between thirty and forty friends, you are usually classified as a Prep, Preppy, or Lemming. Attending extra curricular activities such as basketball, student council, and debate team are in your record of achievements folder. This kind of student would probably do whatever it takes to maintain his or her reputation as supreme student; after all, it would go nicely in your certificate jammed record of achievements folder. So for your own selfish benefits you use your ability to pretend that you like someone, when in fact you hate them. For example, one minute you’re sneering at the obese loser at the back of the classroom who always wears black and has the same pair of glasses as your grandmas.

And then two minutes later you go back there and be buddy-buddy with him, while he does your math work for you. One thing to take note of is to not become an enemy. There is always the probability that this kid is secretly planning some mastermind scheme to arrive at school flying an Apache attack helicopter with twenty M-16 automatic rifles, which are to be used at his discretion for “peace settling purposes”. Therefore it would be wise to stay on their good side to make sure you are spared if this occurs.

If you have fifty friends or more, you are at the top of the social ladder, in other words you are categorized as ‘popular’. These people are extremely unfriendly to anyone outside their highly exclusive clich�. If an outsider tries to communicate with them, they are ignored or receive a pair of rolling eyes for their efforts. A populars daily routine includes gossiping about others and backstabbing.

Now that you understand the complex behaviors and characteristics in which school cliques function, your next step is to understand the 3 tenets of coolness. These are based on guidelines of how to become cool:

1. Getting Dressed

This is the most crucial aspect of fitting in. Mainly because in this day and age countless numbers of people will determine if you are worthy enough to say, “Hi” to them depending on your choice of apparel, rather than attempting to get to know you. Therefore if you want to get accepted among a certain clique you must dress like them. But being accepted is not just limited to clothing. This goes for hairstyles, music, movies, and hobbies.

I doubt any self respecting wanna-be, such as yourself would hang out in the mall with their friends, who all have their hair died blonde, while you are still brunette. Eventually you are going to feel like the outsider and this type of attitude will stop you from being who you really are, which is a clone of your friends. So dress like your friends, but try to add some originality to your wardrobe, as this will help to gain attention. This actually leads on to my next point.

2. Getting Attention.

Not only must you have a sense of originality and confidence to be cool, but you must also stand out from the herd. Part of this can be achieved through your sense of style and the rest is through your attitude. So the first thing to have is a killer pick up line, something to use when you try to meet someone at the coffee house or the record store. Something so suave so sophisticated, so irresistible that it’s frightening. Try, “The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name”, or ” I bet you $20 dollars you’re going to turn me down”. Practice these lines while raising one eyebrow and smiling out of the corner of your mouth. You may look around, but always keep one eye on your potential date, so that they know you mean business. This may not be appropriate in hospitals, libraries, and churches, but go with your instincts; after all you are tiring to be cool.

3. The Fonz

Speaking of cool, it is universally known that Fonzie is cool. Therefore you should aim at making references to Fonzie at least five times in a conversation. You know, utilize his moves like the two thumbs up and the famous, “Ehhhhhhh”.

So now that you have the basic knowledge of achieving coolness you are guaranteed to be accepted among any cliques in your school. After reading this article I hope that you will pass the three tenets of coolness down from generation to generation, so that your children (or future children) and their children can be equipped with the knowledge and skills, which are vital for social school survival.