A Modern Modest Proposal

It is a truly depressing matter to witness the complete and utter destruction of Haiti. Since the earthquake, the nation has being slowing withering away. The people that inhabit the land are suffering terribly and enduring the most brutal conditions. Tent cities, populated by close to seven thousand people, are being subject to crime and the propagation of a multitude of diseases. Parentless children wander aimlessly, searching for any remnant of food or even a single droplet of water.
If they do not find their precious water and food they will end up like many others who end up passing out due to starvation or dehydration and eventually dying. Only the fortunate have an actual place to call a home, if one considers four sticks embedded in the ground covered by old clothing a house. It is indisputable that a precarious situation exists in Haiti. Any moral human being must realize that action has to be taken. Haiti could serve as a valuable consumer market if the nation is restored back to a perpetual state of stability.
It would aid every single American in that it could potentially boost our economy. It could serve as another place to have manufacturing done cheaply because Haitians are desperate for any job. We could use this nation for our advantage and integrate them as valuable aspects of our economy. The real question is not why should we help them; it actually is why should we not help this feeble nation. Haiti needs us great Americans to lend our hand and help them from their destruction and devastation. This predicament has engulfed the majority of my thoughts for the past few years.

Constantly, weighing out the pros and cons of each and every situation. All of the other solutions just do not sufficiently mend the problems of Haiti, according to my calculations. This being true, the only plausible solution that would efficiently fix the immense amount of problems in Haiti is my proposal. It is reasonable to believe that the situation will only worsen. With new children being born due to the rape of women and the continuous manifestation of deadly infections it is becoming increasingly difficult for Haiti to recover.
That is why direct and immediate action is imperative to the survival of this potential huge asset to America. My proposition is the perfect panacea for Haiti. It will bring an abrupt halt to all the problems in Haiti. No longer will a child have to scour the streets looking for food. No longer will mothers beg people to take their children to a safer environment. No longer will there be unconscious infants, due to dehydration and lack of nourishment, being lugged around by their elder siblings. The distress and chaos will come to an end if my modest proposal is followed with the utmost precision.
It is now that I bring to you my modest proposal. It is simple really; slaughter the elderly, weak, sick, and the children, who are too young to fend for themselves. There is a plethora of uses that come from their bodies. First the bones can be used to build much more stable houses. They can act as a very sturdy shelter that will actually be able to withstand the rainy season, unlike their current houses built from simple cloth and sticks. Then the meat, which is not infected with disease, will act as valuable source of nourishment for the hungry.
I have been reassured by an array of scientists that for every one hundred grams of brain there are: 78 grams of water, 10 grams of fat, 11 grams of protein, and 1 gram of carbohydrate. This will be an easy way to get the remaining population water and the necessary nutrition they need. I assure you that this is the most efficient way to provide shelter, food, and prevent the spread of disease. There is no feasible rejection to my proposal. All of those who claim there are alternative methods to helping the Haitians are mistaken.
The idea that we should take more direct action in helping Haiti is laughable. I have ventured off into Haiti once to try and help them. I had success in helping a small population in Haiti. I gave them water, helped rebuild a school, and entertained the lonely children. But what does that do? Nothing. After all, they are still in desperation; constant help and gradually development of Haiti is not the answer, clearly. There has to be one defining movement that will drastically alter their condition of lives. People just tend to forget about problems that are not in the news.
Due to the incurable attention deficit disorder that has cursed this country, Haiti requires immediate and drastic action. There is much humanitarian talk of alternative absurd methods to helping this country. One is attempting to fund raise in America and use that money to build hospitals and other necessary buildings. Another idea is to aid the Haitians in reconstructing their society rather than just throwing food and water at them; basically help them become a self-sustaining nation. “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a ifetime,” obviously this Chinese proverb is just nonsense. There have even been suggestions to try and work cohesively on an international level. With these foolish proposals it should be obvious that it is mine that is the most logical and efficient. I will be the first one to initiate my proposal. I am traveling this April to do so. I have been accepting donations to fund my purchase of the toxins that will kill those who need to be killed. So I call upon the people of America to rise up and overcome their ignorance and help this nation in a true state of need.

superadmin (28431)
New York University
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