ESL 80 Irvine Valley College Manipulation Through the Internet Case Study

I need help with a Writing question. All explanations and answers will be used to help me learn.

The outline was graded for completion, not content coherence, so please review my comments inside the doc & here to revise your next draft. I also did not check for any grammar in this draft, so make sure to continue to review your grammar.
Outline: For outlines, you should not write in complete sentences except for hook, thesis, and TS.
1. Title: Use proper capitalization
2. Hook: Okay
4. Thesis: Both thesis options are missing a general outline of what this essay is going to be about. In this essay, you’re talking about 3 reasons why it’s important to achieve digital literacy ( to avoid fake news, to avoid internet scams, and to get legitimate online sources). However, there are 3 challenges that in the way, which are volume, illusion of choice, and our cognitive bias. Now, your thesis statement should include these ideas and it should be written in 1 sentence.
5. Body 1: Good TS. See my comments on how to improve your top bun, how to choose the most important sentence for the quote, and how to connect your example back to your TS.
6. Body 2: You have a good example, but the topic and controlling idea need revision to accurately introduce your ideas. It seems like you’re trying to say that the internet knew what you wanted (You used filter bubbles, but this is probably because of algorithm–based on your previous search histories) and because of this, it’s difficult for us to avoid content that the internet gives up. Now, you have to think why this is dangerous though. Because like you said, this can be a positive thing; however, this is dangerous because some of these information we get based on algorithm can be scams. Make sure to make that connection in your body paragraph.
7. Body 3: You need to revise the TS and your example. Here, you are trying to say that because of our cognitive bias (illusion of explanatory depth), we at times fail to determine the legitimacy of an online source. Now, with this in mind, your example needs modification. You have to give an example of an illegitimate source you failed to understand as being ‘bad’ because of your cognitive bias.
8. Works Cited: Good. Minor revision required. See my comment.

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