How I Met Him: Personal narrative
I remember that early September sky, the day I saw “my first love.” I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t, I was way too shy. Brown hair, green eyes, and I could already tell his lips had told a million lies.
“Don’t do it; he’ll make you cry.” I said to myself
“No, do it. It’s time to fly.”
Fly? Yeah, I mean fly. Well, not literally of course, but I guess at this point I was already blind. The last guy I was with left me with scars, he was my whole world but then stole all my stars and left me in the dark. “lying, cheating, ugly, fat whore.” My ex would say to me. I thought it was okay, because he said he loved me.
One day, after two years all I got was a text, “It’s just not going to work” and I guess that was it. I took me an entire year to even talk to another guy. Until This guy, with the green eye’s, he was that first guy.
I first saw him in august, while walking down the hall. He stopped to talk, but I didn’t hear anything at all. I remember getting this feeling, like ten thousand butterflies trapped behind a wall. I forgot to get his name, but I knew I’d see him in the fall.
The first day of school, so bitter and sweet. Class after class, and speech after speech
Finally, I looked up, he asked, “Can take this seat?”
Looking back now, I wish I said no, But I didn’t. All I said was “please.”
I finally got his name, let’s call him B. I didn’t say much that day, I really just looked. I kept thinking to myself “damn I’m already hooked”
After class he waited for me by the door and walked me to my next class.
“Can I get your number?” He asked
I told him “He’d have to wait a bit longer”
He shook his head and smiled as he left, and all I thought was, he’s already in my head. He’s all I could think about. I’d said one word to him, and he had me sitting in math forgetting how to count. I wondered if he was thinking about me? Did he see what I see? Did I make his heart skip a beat?
Later that night, My black screen, turned bright with a message that read “Hey it’s B, I got your number from a friend I hope that’s alright?” it was him. It was b. I literally screamed. I jumped up and down on my bed and danced around my room. Fifteen minutes later, I finally said “Yeah it’s fine, I was going give it to you anyway.”
He told me I was pretty, and boy was I shocked. A guy like him, into a girl like me? That can’t be. He said he had remembered me from this august and wished he would’ve gotten my name We must have talked for hours that night, But I couldn’t help but wonder if he was playing me like a game.
You see he had this bad reputation when it came to girls, “Get them, “Love” them, then Dump them” That’s what everyone told me. Everyone tried warning me, but I ignored them. What am I doing? I’m taking a risk. A step, a leap, a jump. I was about to dance with the devil himself, but I didn’t care, because the devil himself was an angle once.
Quite honestly no one is perfect not even me, I may look like an angle outside, but also a devil underneath.
That next day in class, he sat down beside me. We started to talk, and then he laid his hand right on me. Chills and hives ran through my body “Did I do that?” He asked I tried to deny it, but honestly, I couldn’t hide it “Are you coming tomorrow?” I asked
“Coming where?” asked B
“Baby I have first….
He kept talking but all I heard was baby, he called me baby. We literally just met and he’s out here calling me baby…
I decided to finally start listening again He explained that he had first and second period off and getting here a 630 in the morning to watch a sunrise over the baseball field would just be stupid. “you’ll get free chicken minis….” I said
I remember as I walked outside, the air was so cold and crisp, He was waiting outside of his truck, waiting to open the door me. Before I got in, he grabbed me, and pulled me close “I’m going to kiss you, is that okay?” he said
I just nodded and said “okay.”
My body rushed with warmth and began to tingle. My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour “Well I could get used to this” I said
“Good, because there’s no way I’m letting you go”
He kissed me again before we drove away. We were already a little late, so we stayed in his truck for a little while. “We need to go down there, K and E are waiting.” I said
B and I talked while the sun came up, and He asked me to come to his game later that night and I agreed.
“Welcome to the bleacher babes” K nudged me and said. I laughed. That night at the game, I sat, and I watched. The last guy I was with was a basketball player. So, this was a whole new world. I grew up watching baseball, I knew and loved the game, but being a girlfriend in the stands, was much different from just being a fan.
There was a whole other dynamic. You were looked at differently, as if something was expected of you. You were supposed to cheer louder than the other fans, but not louder than his mama. Smile even if we were losing and know everyone and everything about them.
You could tell the “cleat-chasers” from the girlfriends. It was kind of like each guy had their own little fan club, even mine. It was cute. Really. They would come in packs and sit together, and gossip and play on their phones. Until whoever they were there for came up to bat then one girl would say “That’s him! He’s at bat!” and they would all begin to cheer. It was pretty funny.
I remember his first game I went to I sat next to my friend, we will call her Brooke, and she asked me “Who are you here for?” and I said “B” and she gave me this surprising look and then she said “No tori, why? Don’t do this to yourself, you’re so much better than him.” She continues telling me all the “horrible” things he had done, but once again I decided to just tune her out and watch him out on the field. Damn, he looked so good in those baseball pants.
After the game, I waited for him by the gate. It’s a thing all the girlfriends do after the game, although I was officially his girlfriend, I thought I’d wait because I wanted to see him. All of a sudden, He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and ran me to the car screaming behind us “Bye y’all.” I’m pretty sure everyone there thought we were crazy. I thought he was crazy. I just laughed and yelled “B let me down, Let me down, you’re crazy”
I remember like it was yesterday. I must have tried on every outfit in my closet and fixed my hair a hundred times. He bought me a dozen sunflowers and knocked on my door. “I’ve got it, I’ve got it” I screamed running down the stairs, just barely beating my brother to the door, I opened it and there he was, standing there, flowers in hand. Fresh pressed jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and Nikes. I tried figuring out how he could make something so simple, look so good
“Wow” that’s all he said. I couldn’t help but smile. I took the bright, yellow sunflowers and put them in a vase. We headed outside to his truck, which I needed a running head start to get into.
He opened my door, and he helped me get in. I was so nervous, but I tried not to show it. He was staring.
He laughed and grabbed my hand. We drove around trying to find something to eat. He kept suggesting sort of fancy places, I think he thought it was going to impress me or something, but I looked at him and said, “Is it okay if we just get some in and out?” and he said, “Marry me.”
I smiled and laughed “I’m pretty sure you have to ask someone out first to marry them.” I said jokingly. We pulled into in and out and got out and ate, he was so fascinated with the amount of food I could eat, and that I wasn’t “afraid” to eat in front of him. He liked that. By time we got done we still had some time, so we drove around a little, and headed towards the theater.
We went and saw “IT.” He had no idea what he was getting himself into, but I did. A little thing to know about me is that I don’t do clowns. I hate them. So, by the end of the movie his hand was basically broken, and my head was in his chest the whole movie.
Here is the big mistake I made. After the movie, he asked if I wanted to come over for a little while, and I said yes. I should have said no. God, I should have said no. We pulled up to his house, and next thing I know he was sneaking me into his house at 1 am, and I was laying in his bed until 4 am, and sneaking right back out. I was so stupid.
A month passed, everything was perfect. He was still perfect. Then he said those three little words “I love you” and I said “don’t say that unless you mean it.” He grabbed me and pulled me close and said “If I wasn’t positive that I knew I’d still call you mine a year from now then I wouldn’t have said it. But I know you’re going to be in my life a year from now and I truly feel one hundred percent love for you babe.” That was a lie, but I said, “well I love you too then.”
October came, Homecoming time. He bought my mum, and holy it was bigger than me. Everything seemed to be perfect, I mean it was homecoming week, dressing up and school spirit everywhere, how could anything go wrong? Well it did. “I want to be friends and be able to talk and all that and go do stuff together. I just don’t want to be tied down as a senior.” That’s what he said to me. I was crushed, but I let him go.
The next night I heard his truck outside, and he called my phone and asked me to come outside. Was he here to hurt me some more? I walked outside and climbed into his truck and we drove down a back road and he pulled over, and we got out and sat in the bed in his truck. I was already tearing up, and he wiped my cheek. He looked at me and said “Last night I freaked out, you’ve been nothing but good to me and good for me and I want to try and make things right with you.
I hope you’ll let me do that. I’m being honest when I say I was wrong for letting you go. I know you probably hate me, but I really hope you stick to what your heart tells you to do.” Now I’m really crying, and look stupid, but I pulled myself together and said “B I want to give you another chance I really do, but I am so afraid that we will be going through last night all over again.
You can’t just run when you’re scared or when things get hard. Relationships are hard. I’ll always support you and be your number one fan, but you have a lot to prove. If we are going do this, we are going to do this right. I need to make sure that I’m not going to get hurt.”
He grabbed my hand, but I pulled away and jumped off the bed of the truck and got into the truck. He got in and pulled me close to him and kissed me. He said he was sorry and he wasn’t going anywhere. We drove down some back roads, with the windows down. My feet were hanging out the window, and I was just thinking why I got back with him, he’s going to do this all over.
Our weekends were on a pattern, Friday nights I had football and I would go over to his house after. Saturdays were baseball games, I sat and talked with moms. Then Saturday nights, we would go out with friends, stay in, or end up in the middle of the country; in a field, at a bonfire. Then Sundays were family days and homework, plus honestly, I needed a little break. I spent every waking hour with him.
Then all of a sudden, a really cold December day, we had been fighting a bunch, and I had trouble trusting him. Everything came crashing down. This empire we had built together, collapsed. I didn’t really feel anything, maybe because I was numb. Honestly, I still am sometimes. The worst part is being friends with him, and meeting all of his new girlfriends.
The worst part is talking, seeing him, being near him and not being able to have him. I guess it’s my fault for ending it all. It was that guy who started it all, under the early September sky, with his brown hair, green eyes, and those lips that have told more than million lies. I should have stayed shy, because maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this trying not to cry.