Marriage

Marriage is an institution created by God in order to make the christian community different through their way of life. It sets the community apart from the world and lays out guidelines with the intention of protecting and respecting each partner in the marriage relationship.

As seen in scripture, God has blessed humanity and told them to “be fruitful and multiply”, and the church’s mission through the institution of marriage is to advance the christian community.

What this paper will address is, through the lens of christian ethics, the question of whether or not a christian should strive to marry in order to correctly follow Christ’s calling, and if not, what singleness should look like in a christian lifestyle.

To understand how a Christ follower should go about tackling these questions, one must consider how a christian should do ethics in the first place. Aquinas asserted that good moral practices, or “virtues”, were the backbone of christian ethics. His four cardinal virtues were prudence, justice, temperance and fortitude.

These virtues help to define an individual’s character, and said individual’s character is closely connected to their ethics. All of these virtues that shape an individual’s character lead them toward their telos, or end goal and purpose in life. This telos is the human as-is, the human as they could be, and their ethics that are shaped by their virtues.

Bonhoeffer argued in his book Discipleship that costly grace is one of the most important things a follower of christ should understand and strive for. He defines this costly grace through his definition of cheap grace: that grace which denies God’s living word, denies His incarnation, and it is grace which we bestow upon ourselves rather than having it given to us.

In short, it is following Christ without action. As the inverse to this, costly grace is acknowledgement of God’s word and incarnation, and it understands grace as the gospel which needs to be asked for repeatedly. Bonhoeffer further explains the significance of this grace being costly:

“It is costly, because it calls to discipleship; it is grace, because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly, because it costs people their lives; it is grace, because it thereby makes them live. It is costly because it condemns sin; it is grace, because it justifies the sinner. Above all, grace is costly,because it was costly to God, because it costs God the life of God’s Son…and because nothing can be cheap to us that is costly to God.”

By understanding this, a follower of Christ understands that costly grace calls him or her to discipleship, communion with God, and communion with the Body of Christ, which I will expound upon later.

Simple obedience is another important component to christian ethics. If one accepts God’s costly grace, there is a subsequent call to discipleship, and with that call comes simple obedience. Simple obedience acts within the basis of concrete obedience to God. It requires an individual to answer Christ’s call, a call which supersedes all other commands.

Where simple obedience is absent, the costly grace offered by Christ disappears and the cheap grace of self-justification abounds.When attempting to interpret scripture while following Christ, it is an easy thing to take a passage and impose a non-literal interpretation upon it.

This can lead to a paradoxical interpretation of scripture which is in danger of leading to excuses that allow a Christ follower to flee from concrete obedience. Simple obedience comes after accepting God’s costly grace. It is the earnest, assertive striving to follow the call of Christ without paradoxically misinterpreting his words or scriptures.

The body of Christ is another important aspect of christian ethics. Through accepting Christ’s call, an individual is accepted into the church, which is the body of Christ. Bonhoeffer explains that after humanity’s fall through Adam, the first man, God from then on sent his divine word down to humanity in order to seek after and accept us.

But after Christ, the “second Adam”, came to earth, the “Word became flesh”, as John 1:14 states. He took the sins of man upon his shoulders and died for all of humanity, and was raised from the dead. Because of Christ’s taking on humanity’s sinful flesh and nature, it is not only through the preaching of God’s word that God now accepts humanity. It is now also in the body of Christ.

The body of Christ is the global community of Christ followers. These people participate in the sacraments: baptism and the Lord’s supper. We are dead and buried with christ, and resurrected with Him also. In this way we are no longer an individual; we are a new being residing within the church-community.

The church-community “takes up space”, as Bonhoeffer so poignantly puts it. What he means by this is that the church-community is very involved with all aspects of life in the world while constantly striving not to be conformed to the world: “If it engages the world properly, the visible church-community will always more closely assume the form of its suffering Lord.”

To summarize, the character of an individual shapes what their ethics will look like. christian ethics hinge on three important things. Firstly, accepting God’s costly grace and answering His call. Secondly, striving for concrete, simple obedience by following through on Christ’s call. Thirdly, understanding what the body of Christ is, the process of entering into church-community, and understanding that it takes up space and exists in the world without conforming to the world.

The concept of marriage in regards to the church-community is this: it is an institution that dedicates one individual to another, often with the intention of furthering the kingdom of God through procreation. As we see in scriptures such as Genesis 1:28, God told humanity to “be fruitful and multiply”.

There is also the stipulation of the marriage being between a man and a woman, as gleaned from Genesis 2:23-24: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Both of these references were made thousands of years ago, at the beginning of the world and the beginning of humankind. Surely this is a testimony to the importance of marriage, and the bond made between a man and a woman.

Marriage itself is both a sacrifice and a blessing. On the path to marriage, a Christ follower must push past their desires and remain celibate as a testament to Christ’s call and to preserve sex for their partner only. More than this, marriage is sacrificing oneself and one’s own desires and places someone else’s needs above one’s own.

Jesus even “upped the ante” as Wesley Hill puts it, by condemning divorce except within the realm of divorce due to adultery. Clearly Jesus is stressing the importance of marriage and the weight it carries; it is not a union to be separated flippantly. Hill describes this weight like Christ’s cross: “What marriage means for christians is a cross, and if you want to be his disciples, Jesus implies, you will shoulder it with eyes wide open.”

There are also many positive things to be had through marriage. Marriage is a covenant, and the marriage ceremony reflects the story of God’s love through mirroring God’s covenant with his people, Israel. Just as God’s love cannot be separated from His covenant, love cannot be separated from the vows made in marriage.

Mutual, steadfast love can be present and abounding in marriage, and it can lead to a deep relationship surpassed only by God. Marriage as outlined in the Bible is a positive thing that not only furthers the church-community through procreation, but also leads to meaningful relationships, and practices that separate the church-community from the secular world.

To enter into marriage, from all the evidence gathered so far, would indeed be following Christ’s call in simple obedience through following His teachings seen in scripture.

While marriage is a good thing created by God and there are clear benefits to it, I argue that it is not the only correct way to interpret God’s word and follow Him in simple obedience; singleness is also a correct path to follow Christ’s call. Marriage, as Wesley describes it, is “training in the holiness that is preparation for heaven”. But this kind of training in holiness is not just reserved for those in marriage. Those who feel called to singleness should be expected to uphold the same level of discipline in regard to celibacy and self-sacrifice.

In conclusion, marriage is an institution created by God in which joy and fulfillment can be found. It is a self-sacrificing covenant that one enters into while on their path of simple obedience to God. It can help to further the kingdom of God through the act of procreation, and as seen in scripture, is taken very seriously because of its transforming nature, making two people “of one flesh”.

Marriage is much more than some civil contract with legal benefits. Marriage is a part of God’s plan. The Bible teaches God’s expectations regarding family and gives practical relationship advices.

Marriage is like eternal concept. It is meant to be a loving, selfless, intimate relationship between a man and a woman that lasts through eternity. Most marriages are founded on love, but it is choosing to maintain and grow that love that can be the challenge.

There are times when the unbreakable ness of the marriage bond appears to result in an incredible hardship. We are considering such occasions as that of a husband whose wife turns out to be rationally sick, or the wife who must escape from an injurious husband, or the husband or wife who is left by a life partner.

Every one of these cases is positively exceptionally troublesome in human terms. Yet, the changelessness of marriage implies there can be no remarriage inasmuch as the defector lives. That is, there can be no remarriage for such people so far as God is concerned.

They can, obviously, secure a common separation in the event that it is important to ensure themselves against a horrendous or a forsaking life partner. Be that as it may, the common separation can’t break the marriage bond.

Obviously, marriage is far beyond only a perpetual duty. It is where a man and a lady look for—and discover—profound association with one another. It is the place life partners coordinate with God in the production of new life. It is a channel of celestial beauty, and a position of deep rooted help and love—love which is God’s very own reference point love for us, a confirmation of confidence to the world.

The lady of the hour and prep who are looking for all the beauty they can acquire for the satisfaction of their work will need to trade the promises of Marriage inside a Matrimonial Mass. The Matrimonial Mass is an uncommon Mass with an extremely unique gift which the Congregation gives in her ceremony to the individuals who are setting out upon the heavenly business of marriage.

There is an exceptional Mass of Appointment in the sacrament for the young fellow who is putting forth himself to God in the brotherhood. There is an exceptional Mass of Sanctification for the offering of another congregation structure to God.

It isn’t amazing, at that point, that there is a Marital Mass for the couple who are committing themselves to God as cooperators in his work of creation and recovery, as a bit ‘church-inside a-congregation’ in the Magical Collection of Christ. It is a proportion of the significance which the Congregation appends to the holy observance of Marriage.

A Catholic couple, both regarding marriage as a livelihood under God, accepting the ceremony of Marriage after a modest romance in which petition and the ceremonies have kept God close, stooping together to get Heavenly Fellowship at their Marital Mass—there is a marriage whereupon they, and all who adore them, can stick their expectations.

In Westernized societies, physical attraction usually plays a large part in who we initially decide to date and will eventually marry. These chosen marriages are known internationally as ‘Love Marriages’. Arranged marriages – which are in part based on the assumption that young people will just seek pleasure instead of looking at the big picture – are much more analytical. In a typical arranged marriage, the parents do not allow the future newly-weds to have any say in their choice of spouse.

This form of arranged marriage is rare, but in some parts of the world, such as the Middle East, and parts of Africa and Asia, it does exist. If he or she refuses to marry their chosen person, they will be punished, or sometimes, even killed. In most cases, their objection is simply ignored, and the marriage takes place anyway. Modern women from around the globe struggle everyday with the fight for their freedom. Their traditional-style families will stand in their way, but for a woman who is determined to escape and reach for her own freedom, it is not completely impossible.

Arranged marriages are traditional in South Asian societies and continue to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the Indian subcontinent. Arranged marriages are believed to have initially risen in popularity in the Indian subcontinent when the historical Vedic religion gradually turned into classical Hinduism, substantially displacing other religions that were once more prominent (University of Florida). In the urban culture of modern India, the differentiation between arranged and love marriages is increasingly seen as a false dichotomy, which is when there are only two options available. With the emergence of modern thinking such as self-arranged marriages and free-choice on the part of the prospective spouses, arranged marriages are becoming less common, but still highly prevalent.

Marriages are usually arranged between individuals belonging to the same religion. Same-religion marriages are the norm in arranged marriages among higher caste people. Usually, first preference is given to the same caste. The ancestry of the individual and the family’s culture also play an important part. Most likely, prospective spouses are looked for from families belonging to the same region and having the same language and basic traditional values.

Also, the profession, financial position and the social status of the woman is also taken into account. Poorer families sometimes believe that since they are not wealthy, their daughter has a lower chance of being attractive to a man, therefore unable to be married. If her family is unable to pay for her dowry, money paid to the male’s family on the wedding, the woman can be punished or even killed using a practice known as honor killings. If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom’s family to visit the prospective bride’s family.

In this event, it is traditional for the boy’s family to arrive (with the boy) and be seated with the entire girl’s family except the girl herself, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments. This practice is sometimes called “seeing the girl” and has been attacked by some Indian and Pakistani feminists as a classic instance of gender-bias and the objectification of women (The Daily Cougar).

Reasons that arranged marriages happen vary from religious to social. The woman’s family may become extremely concerned that their social status will be affected if the daughter is not married off to a respectable, wealthy man. Parents use forced or arranged marriage to “place” their daughters because they are still considered to be subject to parental authority. Accordingly, parents feel they have to protect them and act in their best interests by having them married, preferably at a young age. In doing so, they seek to ensure a solid future for their daughters by marrying them to men whom they consider to be best for them as knowledge of the suitor’s family or relatives gives them the feeling that their daughter will be protected. In fact, they entrust their daughter to a husband and in-laws with whom they have a ties of honor, which is seen as a guarantee of security and proper treatment for the young wife.

According to a 2012 study by Statistic Brain, the global divorce rate for arranged marriages was 6 percent -a significantly low number. Compared to the 55 percent of marriages in the world that are arranged, this low statistic shows the success rate of arranged marriages (International Center for Research on Women). For many individuals, arranged marriages can be extremely destructive. While divorce is an accepted and relatively easy process in Western countries, it has remained stigmatized in countries and religions that encourage arranged marriages. Even discussing marital problems is limited.

In cases where arranged marriages become abusive, deeply dysfunctional or break down entirely due to incompatibility, the repercussions are severe. Attorney and mediator Geetha Ravindra said, “Some situations feel like bondage – the wife has no opportunity to continue her education or to work; she is often not allowed contact with her family back in India. She is precluded from having friends in the community. She has no income, no transportation, and is blackmailed by being told that if she leaves, she will be bringing a black mark on her family” (The Daily Cougar).

Marriages that are pre-arranged by the parents are historically looked upon as oppression of women and is a way of controlling women’s sexuality. Some parents see forced marriage as a way of protecting their daughters against the risk of romantic relationships, and most importantly against sexual relations outside marriage. Above all, they are seeking to avoid pregnancies considered to be illegitimate that could result from this type of relationship. As far as many families are concerned, their reputation depends on the proper sexual behavior of their members, especially the daughters.

The patriarchal standards that are still valued in these families are reproduced in the society in which they settle. One of those standards is the duty to preserve virginity, which arises out of the desire to control women’s bodies in order to preserve family honor, and thus patriarchal power. The father of the daughters would place an ad in matrimonial columns in newspapers and other media outlets, which may be seen as immoral or discriminatory towards women. This is more uncommon in Western culture, yet extremely popular in countries like India and South Asia.

More likely, it is that the foundation on which these societies and cultures are constructed rely on women being entirely submissive to the needs of men. By whichever means women are diminished – being denied education, being forced to cover up from head to toe, or by being pushed at 12 or 13 into marriages to men three times their age — they are forced to be the weaker sex by nature.

While not wanting to admit it, there is a winner and a loser in every situation. While arranged marriages are set up so the parents have full control, they do it to make sure that the man their daughter is marrying is the best option by them. Generally, women are the ones who “lose”. Women are seen as being objectified by their parents and by the men who want to marry them. In many cases, it is the mothers who have the biggest influences on pressuring their daughters to marry off. Jasvinder Sanghera, who ran away at 15 to avoid a forced marriage and later founded Karma Nirvana, a charity that helps women who are trying to escape such fates, says that in her case, her mother and other women in her family were the main instigators in trying to force her to marry (University of Florida). Such women-on-women oppression is far from rare.

Women often perpetuate other deeply exploitative practices. In Africa, for instance, female circumcision is devastatingly common, especially in countries like Egypt and Sudan. Supposedly, it is intended to “purify” a girl for her future husband. In this practice, the girls – who can be a young as a few months old – can die through hemorrhaging or by contracting an infection (The Next Galaxy). Despite having suffered the horrific procedure themselves, it is the women of the communities who force their daughters through this procedure to fit in line with cultural expectations.

Women can sometimes be the most harmful abusers, but this is only due to patriarchal conditioning that her parents and husband are responsible for. Seeing their mothers so loyal to the father is supposed to be encouraging to their daughters so they replicate this behavior. Even in cases of woman-to-woman abuse, the men are still the main source of the manipulation that exist behind the thought processes and behavior.

For men, arranged marriages can be stressful as well. Modern men who do not follow through with their parent’s wishes to marry pre-arranged are risking disownment or being exiled by their religious caste. These families rely on their sons to marry a specific woman of their choosing to have desirable grandchildren and an honorable social status. A lot of men may escape for mental dilemmas, self-esteem issues or internal family conflict. On the flip side, many men take advantage of having an arranged marriage as to not put any effort into a relationship. Also, men who were arranged into a marriage are more likely to become abusive towards their partner, whether it be mental or physical. From the start of the marriage, these men have a sense of ownership and entitlement towards their wife and feel they are in control.

Sexual assault is also a very large epidemic in arranged marriages. In the case of Lakhvir Singh, 28, she was forced to have sex with her husband and do nearly round-the-clock household labor, police say. She was routinely referred to as ‘bitch’ by her husband, slapped, and choked. Her life was threatened daily. Singh was quoted as saying “I don’t want this to happen to any other girl. My voice can finally be heard” (The Washington Post). Her marriage was an arranged marriage, put together by her parents and Singh’s brother. Her brother admitted after the abuse was discovered that he would have never forced her into a marriage with a man who was knowingly abusive.

This is the exact problem with arranged marriages, is that those involved are not truly aware of the circumstances they will be placed into. These men make it incredibly difficult for these women to leave the marriages without legal action, due to the fact that divorce is so dishonorable. Men will always get the upper hand in patriarchal-based relationships and it is very common in arranged marriages for men to feel a dangerous sense of entitlement towards their wife.

Escaping potentially dangerous arranged marriages for women can be very difficult. Without legal help, which is mostly unavailable to the women in accepting countries such as India and South Asia, these women can feel trapped in their relationship. Girls as young as 12 can begin to be watched by men who are much older than them to be evaluated as future wives. Escaping from situations like these can be extremely stressful for the woman, but also for her family. Usually, the family is required to pay a dowry on their young bride, enough for the man to fall in love with her. If this dowry is not paid, the wife may be killed, in a tradition called ‘honor killings’ (International Center for Research on Women).

These honor killings usually go uninvestigated, due to the husband having full control of the relationship. If the young wife does find a way to escape and leave her husband, the family is held responsible. They must finish paying her dowry, while attempting to locate the runaway wife to bring her back. These women are determined to get as far away as possible from their abusive or hostile husband, and many are willing to risk never getting to communicate with their families again just to escape safely. When marriages are arranged for citizens of the United States, the girls are usually transported back to their home country to settle there.

With this situation, young girls who suspect they are being brought to be married off have been told to place metal spoons or objects into their undergarments so they would not pass through the metal detector in the airport. This will delay them from getting on the flight, and during questioning with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), they can share that they suspect they are being brought for unsafe reasons. Foundations such as Karma Nirvana are dedicated to stop the scandal of forced marriage and honor-based violence. Karma Nirvana and other important organizations believe that cultural acceptance does not mean accepting the unacceptable abuse and making sure that girls are able to acknowledge the wrong-doing of their families and husbands (University of Florida).

The solution to forced marriages and consequences such as honor killings is quite simple. The extension of modern thinking and Westernization will help to decrease both. Educating those who participate in either activities will be the most effective. Speaking to victims and those who are at risk of being abused will help provide insight to those who are dedicated to prevention. Girls understand the obstacles that bar them from opportunities and have clear ideas about what needs to change in their lives in order to succeed. It is also important to support parents who support their daughters’ decision to continue their studies and enjoy their childhood – delaying the choice to become a wife and mother. These parents who are bold enough to go against what tradition dictates can be stigmatized by and ostracized from their community.

Finally, any effort aimed at ending forced arranged marriage must address how to strengthen girls’ education programs to ensure that girls stay in school and learn enough for parents to consider it worthwhile postponing their marriage. Education is the single most important factor associated with girls marrying before the age of 18. Even one more year of school than the national average can increase a woman’s earning potential by 10 percent to 20 percent (International Center for Research on Women). Educated women are more likely to be independent, financially stable and mature enough to make the correct decision for themselves.

Women around the world have a right to experience life – to make friends, become educated, pursue their aspirations and live a healthy life free from violence. The practice of arranged marriages and honor killings rob women of these opportunities. It does not need to be this way – in many Western countries, the desire to end these practices exist and local organizations are doing substantial work to help those in need. What is lacking is sustained and coordinated support from governments, the international community and recognition from the general public.

Arranged marriage continues to be a reality for many of the world’s women because of a variety of factors including poverty, lack of education and job opportunities. Also, the force of custom and tradition are a main issue due to lack of independence from the family. For these reasons, attempts aimed at eradicating these detrimental practices should target countries with high rates of arranged marriage and assist them in breaking down individual religious standards within these countries.

Last Thursday I attended the 2nd annual Communication Program to meet some of the Communication Department faculty and learn about their research outside of the classroom. It was really well organized which gave me an opportunity to understand what the department was researching in a short amount of time. I found all of the presenters’ research to be interesting, modern, and unique. It was nice to see that all of the professors who presented entered their research with similar perspectives but had a variety of topics.

I thought Dr. Mesbah’s topic of researching electronic media in Kuwait with a focus on finding a spouse was intriguing. There are many cultural differences between marriage in Kuwait and the U.S. In Kuwait there are often arranged marriages. An arranged marriage norm would cause a dating site to be irrelevant in this culture. Since internet dating and electronic media is growing in the middle-east, there has been an increase in alternative dating practices.

Dr. Mesbah found that people who had greater internet usage in general also had more unconventional ways of finding a spouse or partner. It seems like the more an individual is exposed to online dating media, the more they will use it. Dr. Mesbah’s research also addresses a bigger issue of a very conventional culture adapting to modern technological advances. Interestingly it looks like there is more ‘engagement’ than clashing of unconventional methods intruding. To further this research, I would be interested in learning which ‘couples’ (arranged or cyber-connected) are happier or stay together longer. Cyber-dating is a huge part of modern dating. Learning about it when it is used in a different culture gave me a new perspective.

The excerpt “Dating on the DL and Arranged Marriages,” from Desi Land by Shalini Shankar, describes the dating habits of the Desi teen. Shankar uses a myriad of examples to describe the nominal amount of dating that occurs within the Desi communities, prompting the Desi teenagers to “sneak” around in an effort to uphold the social norms. In Desi societies, hanging out and dating does not occur often, in fact, from the way Shankar outlines it in the excerpt, dating only occurs when marriage is in the cards.

Shankar goes on to describe how the teenagers are desperately trying to break out of the normalcy of Desi living by exerting their freedom and rebel spirits. Desi communities “can be far more socially and religiously conservative than those in South Asia,” (Shankar, 2008) notes Shankar. It is as if social activity among teenagers in Desi land is a foreign matter due to the morals and values maintained in that particular society.

Despite the frequency of “down low” dating among teenagers in Desi, the women do indeed remain chase. Valuing chastity and purity of their body in an effort to uphold the beliefs of their religion, many young women in the land abstain from sex, Shankar describes. Certain sacrifices are made in order to keep with the societal rules. Many teenagers see the ideology as “far too restrictive.” (Shankar, 2008). The restrictions placed on teenagers stems from the families of the teenagers wanting to maintain the honor they place on their family name and culture.

In the latter half of the excerpt, Shankar begins to discuss the varying systems put into place to control the ease of social life among Desi teenagers. Parents of the teenagers, much like Western parents, “keep a watchful eye,” (Shankar, 2008) on their kids. In order to avoid this watchful eye, the teens do hang out, but it is not as frequent as one would normally have social activities. Many teenagers’ social lives are built on events and gatherings that are pre-arranged or setup. The teenagers do not enjoy the activities, but fear if they do not attend such functions, will be “the subject of gossip” (Shankar, 2008). The teenagers are very careful to ensure that gossip is not spread about them or amongst them as to disturb the societal norms about Desi children and young adults.

Shankar pivots from this discussion and goes on to discuss how teenagers keep their “down low” relationships going with all of the various methods their parents use to keep an eye on them. Conversations are monitored and the teenagers are forced to use discretion in their “sneaking around.” Shankar also talks about arranged marriages and how they are setup for the teenagers directly after high school years. While the teenagers are not directly forced into these marriages, they are heavily persuaded by the parents. In Desi religion, when it comes to marriage, it is all about remaining within one’s religious background and that is also true for other Hindu and Muslim communities. Shankar relies heavily on examples of various children in Desi culture to describe the rules and ideals.

The excerpt primarily uses societal norms as its backdrop to show how relationships are affected, whether positive or negative, with regard to Desi teenagers. These examples, however, can be applied to any culture that has conservative ideologies and guidelines for its young people. Shankar does an excellent job of using examples to depict these rules.

Perspective is a person’s point of view. It is important to the study of history because a person’s interpretation of the facts and or situation can sway the tide of events. Selecting a Bride in Renaissance Florence was written by Alessandra Macinghi Degli Strozzi in 1464-1465. Marriages were often brought together for family or monetary reasons. When marriages were arranged, there was purpose in it, those involved did not reject.

At this time, arranged marriages were very common. Neither men nor women were allowed to choose whether or not they wanted the marriage. Marriages were strictly political. They often sealed political alliances, brought families together, and helped families find successors to their practices. Arranged marriages were to be dealt with by each side and they had to go through it whether or not they wanted to. Women had very limited rights and few opportunities for any autonomous action.

Kent argues that the best documented society of early modern times, men restricted women’s lives, but as almost obsessive record keepers kept account of them. Men were like stalkers to their wives. Why weren’t women allowed to have a say in their lives? What did they benefit from being kept against their desire? How did men physically treat their wives?

Alessandra Macinghi Degli Strozzi talks about the requirements that men must have in order to be arranged with women from wealthy or political families. When the man and women marry, there is a small dowry given to either the man or women depending on the size of their family. Women nor men rejected because they knew there was something there to soften the deal, and that breaking the marriage would bring shame to the family.

You may consider your parents choosing your spouse a bad and outrageous idea, but in the long run, would it? People should consider arranged marriages because whoever is chosen just may be the perfect match, it may be what your parents want, or it is just an old tradition/custom. McBirney states that arranged marriages are common, especially in the 21st century. I am for arranged marriages.

The first reason why I support arranged marriages is because whoever your parents choose may be the perfect match. Surendra states, “I am thankful for the fact that papa insisted I talk to him.” Surendra talks about how charismatic he is and how much she likes him and his personality. This show that although your marriage is arranged, it just may be the person you been dreaming of.

Secondly, arranged marriage may be what your parent(s) want and it may eventually work in the future. Surendra states, ” For the past five years, my papa brought proposals to me for marriage, and somehow I couldn’t seem to settle down with any of them.” At first, she did not want it but later Surendra realizes it was for the best and she also realized that her dad made a good choice.

Lastly, it may be a custom within religion or race. McBirney states, “Most modern arranged marriages take place in the Middle East and the Far East, in countries like Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, India, Bangladesh, Japan, and others. It has become less popular in places like China over the past few decades, as the culture rapidly Westernizes and young people are beginning to value individual choice more than family traditions and preferences.” Some time parents like to choose rich people so they don’t have to worry about the child’s financial security.

Although some people believe that arranged marriages should not be allowed, because they think the child should have the say on who they commit to but that just maybe there a way of life. You should respect their custom as you would want them to respect yours. In conclusion, arranged marriages should be allowed because you never know if its the right person for you, if that’s what your parents want, or if it’s a custom. That is why arranged marriages should be ok.