Men’s Review of the Film ‘Honey’

90 minutes worth of seductive Jessica Alba parading around wearing nothing more than just knickers and bra, one might think they were in for an enjoyable ride. My dear friend, how very wrong you are! As we watch Honey progress from club dancer to music video choreographer we can’t help but snigger at the dreadfully cheesy script, and tedious clichi??s that partner this film. An example which would fittingly highlight this point would be the incident where the line “Bitch, how you gonna play me like that? is spoken.

Now on first hearing this, if you are fortunate enough to have not endured this amateur movie you may primarily believe it is exclaimed by a young, intimidating, black New York thug. Even with such a description, its’ likely you will still cringe. However, please prepare yourself for what is written beneath, I have no guarantee that you will survive reading this next section without a frightening, unhealthy bout of laughter erupting from you.

The line is not spoken by a young man, as opposed to this, he is somebody we would instead consider most definitely over middle aged, nor is he intimidating either, the big time video director, Michael Ellis,(David Moscow) has middle length curly hair, is that not enough said? And in addition to this, the culprit is far from black; his skin instead is more of a milky colour, enriched with the misfortune of freckles and blemishes. I think a recap is most definitely necessary!

“Bitch how you gonna play me like that? I can confirm, is spoken by a middle aged, approachable white man ! Based on this fact alone, I think I have given you more than enough evidence to suggest that five pounds of your hard earned money should not be spent on such garbage! Moving swiftly on, with a predictable storyline that’s been covered far too many times already, please do not give yourself credit if you are on of the majority who correctly guesses the ending to this film. After just ten minutes had you not already guessed Honey would end up with the too good to be true barber (Mekhi Phifer)?

Did you not already know that somehow, someway Honey Daniels would transform the lives of hundreds of children and did you not instantly figure out that another ten minutes of such dreadful drizzle would have you in a deep sleep, never wanting to awake? Yes, she might have an attractive face, and yes a somewhat mind-boggling figure, but it seems that Billy Woodruff (director) only selected Alba based on these two unessential facts. With facial expressions to rival a manikin’s, and body language consisting of only gyrating and walking, it seems Alba has as good acting skills as one of the spice girls, and in my opinion, far worse dance moves.

Now, if you’re a nai??ve thirteen year old girl, I can, on some level, understand how you may find this film bearable. However, the way in which the film has been produced means the target audience is extremely narrow, meaning anybody older, with more intelligence and depth would undoubtedly react in a similar way to me, that being a long undisputable chain of snores. Finally, to conclude I shall finish by saying, if you were contemplating going to see ‘Honey’ this weekend . . . DON’T!

The vital thing to remember here is that you only live once, so not only is it a waste of five pounds but additionally a waste of an hour and a half of your life. To put yourself through such torture will only be a decision you later regret. Take my advice and leave this movie for those teenage girls who simply aspire to be Honey Daniels, and think they understand the cringe worthy language spoken throughout. So remember, if ‘you’re flavour’s hot’, I’m hoping that means your taste is too, I repeat, do not go and see this film !

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