Psychology

Nervously walking into the classroom, I glanced around. Today was just a mundane school day, nothing out of the ordinary. Classmates were milling around and chatting, their faces showing unconcern to today’s agenda. But to me, today’s main event was a very big problem. I was a shy child back then, and the fact that we had to present in front of the class greatly troubled me.

I felt I just was not up to the task: I did not know what to do, I was not very sociable, and I disliked being at the center of attention. I trembled at the mention of speaking publicly to an audience. It did not show on my face, but a peek into my mind would have instantly revealed my inner turmoil and dilemma I faced. To put it bluntly, I thought I was totally, utterly, and unavoidably screwed.

The bell rang for the class to start, and all the students quieted down and sat at their desks. Then came a few moments of bliss, the calm before the storm. But it was only a fleeting glimpse of comfort before the tension settled in like wind-blown fog. Class started, and the teacher revealed the order in which we were to present and, one by one, the students before me began to rise, walk to the front of the class, and start their presentation.

As the number of students presenting before me dwindled rapidly, I grew more anxious, my palms dampening, my forehead covered in sweat. Time ticked on sluggishly, like a snail leisurely moving forward at its plodding pace, unhurried. The presentation preceding mine stretched into eternity, as I sat there sweating profusely, worried, becoming more tense, my heart beating ever louder. Panicked thoughts flitted through my mind as evidence of the presentation’s imminent end emerged. My introverted self unconsciously thought of public speaking as throwing myself, defenseless, into a cage with the audience, which had transformed into ravenous, devouring, and threatening animals.

Then silence permeated the air, followed by raucous, loud applause. I paled, realizing that the sound indicated a very big problem – it was now my turn to present. I stiffly stood up, and trudged my way towards the front of the classroom, dreading the moment when I would eventually reach it. Sweat poured off me like waterfalls as I finally reached my destination, the end of a short but nerve-wracking journey, but the beginning of something worse. I stared at the ground, as if staring hard enough would save me from my plight. Then I started my presentation, covered in sweat, worried, not making eye contact.

Looking up was not an option, I did not want to see what my vivid imagination claimed was a swarm of beasts, fanged and clawed, sharp teeth lined mouths dripping with saliva, waiting to pounce and stuff their bellies with the nearest sustenance – me. Everything became a haze, my voice became distant and all I could hear was my heartbeat, all I could feel was the sweat trickling down my pale, nervous face. After a long while of being in this state, I finally gathered enough courage, lifted my head and, when I did, glimpsed the audience. I was struck with sudden realization – that small peek, a simple glance at the edge of my vision, exposed reality and rapidly dispersed my previous prejudiced perspective of the audience.

The audience was not a horde of hungry creatures, but were humans, classmates, students, attentive listeners. The audience was not dangerous; I was no longer afraid of them. It may not seem like it, but a surprising proportion of individuals, who are good at presentations and speeches, were introverts as a child. Through repeated exposure to public speaking, they developed social skills that they lacked. But they had to start at the beginning, the first step into the world of public speaking. They had to be nudged in the right direction, to have the courage to step onto the stage.

Once you command your fears, they become nothing more than a wisp of your past, something to fondly reminisce about, but never to dwell upon. By overcoming their dread towards public social interactions, introverted people were able to acquire mastery of speaking to others and socializing, something introverts avoid. Mustering the bravery to surpass one’s fears is a challenge, a trial. But triumphing over test rewards you with accomplishment, and the opening of a gateway of freedom, of choices and extra options, of not having to always cower from that one thing.

Introverts can be given the ability to socialize, to express their ideas and creativity to others, to communicate effectively. What was previously terror can be defeated, overcome, beaten, to achieve a better, happier, life. Eventually reaching the end of my presentation, I spoke the last word, the final closure, and there was silence, a pause, then came an onslaught of thundering applause. I strolled back to my seat, relaxed, calm, and sat, breathing a deep sigh of relief.

I was victorious, I had lasted through the whole grueling ordeal, and I had learned my lesson, a shocking epiphany. I was still nervous of public speaking, but I had taken the first step, the beginning of a journey to conquer the fear of social interactions. I sat back leisurely, enjoying the remaining presentations, relieved that it was not me up there, glad at my new-found revelation. That was just the starting point of the reform of my personality.

I gradually changed, no longer the quiet boy who does not speak a lot. I started to chat with my friends more, no longer spending lunchtime reading silently in the school library, but hanging out in the crowds instead. I worry less about presentations and speeches, I can give a talk more fluently than before. I learned more social skills, I spoke more, became more outgoing. I participated in more social events, in activities that fostered and encouraged leadership and social ability. I still become nervous over public speaking; the anxiety is not completely destroyed, but looking back, I see the great progress I have made from the shy child I was all those years ago.

One of the many demands society has been making recently is to please everyone, which causes everyone to want to be pleased. Naturally, those who have to do the pleasing at the bottom of society’s food chain have more pressure placed on their shoulders. Furthermore, this pressure to please society has led many to thinking that if he pleases others, he will find success in life. My father, however, taught me the opposite approach. Whenever I found myself attempting to fit in by pleasing others, my father always told me, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.”

A few years ago, I didn’t have many close friends in high school, yet, contrary to my father’s constant and consistent advice, I tried again and again to fit in by pretending to have interest in their interests. For example, many of my peers watched television almost religiously during any free time away from school, while I, on the other hand, did not. Furthermore, since I am a girl, the pressure to also be physically attractive remained steadily increasing as I grew older. I concluded that I needed whatever it would take in other to please other girls of my age. I broached the topics with my parents many times. First, I asked them if I could get my ears pierced, and on another occasion, I asked for make-up supplies.

On yet another, I wanted a cellular telephone because my peers all had one. Additionally, I asked if the rule banning television could be abolished in order that I’d at least participate in my peers’ conversations. Each time, however, they told me “No.” And, of course, the reasons were typical responses from parents: “That’s too expensive!” or “You don’t need it,” and “You will have to pay for it and take care of it yourself,” as well as the occasional explanation of physical and mental health hazards. Nevertheless, whenever I asked Dad, he always gave me a long lecture. But he didn’t tell me why I didn’t need things to please everyone.

Instead, he told me that he did not want me to try to please everyone: he wanted me to be, simply, me. He didn’t want me to become like everyone else, but unique, special, and just who I truly wanted to be. Furthermore, he explained the “herd mentality” of my peers, including the peer pressure that came with the mentality. But at the end he always said, “You have to lead, follow, or get out of the way. If you choose to lead, sometimes you will lead with no one to follow.”

Eventually his words sank into me after a plethora of lectures. Yes, I still felt pressure to please, but the more I acted myself, the more others became attracted to me. Before more time had passed, I had many friends and even a rising popularity amongst people I didn’t even know. Thus, I found failure in trying to please others, but success in ignoring the pressure and acting my true self. Furthermore, I finally realized that I couldn’t please everyone, but staying true to myself rather than being fake felt effortless in pleasing others.

All of us make bad choices. We say we are too lazy or tired to do our chores, we procrastinate on our homework to binge watch a tv show or even mess with our friends just for the fun of things. It’s not that we want to make our lives harder it is just that we want to enjoy the simple things in life. We can even go to extremes like drinking excess amounts of champagne, creating an imaginary friend or pretending to be someone you’re not in order to score a date.

At least that is what made life more enjoyable for the character Algernon in the play the Importance of Being Earnest. As someone belonging to high society, Algernon uses his position and large inheritance to indulge in visiting expensive restaurants and clubs while racking up debts and sleeping around with many women. Although he takes advantage of his ability to have fun he also subtly critiques the brutal nature of the world he lives in by highlighting the downsides of the upper class. In the play the Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde portrays Algernon as mischievous in nature and having a tendency to cause trouble in order to make him seem careless, but in reality his actions serve as a distraction from the pressures of society.

Throughout the play, Algernon’s cleverness serves as comedic relief in which his irresponsible actions are seemingly driven by his desire to have fun. When Algernon learns of Jack’s arrival he suggests that they go clubbing or go dine at a fancy restaurant, therefore completely ignoring his prior arrangement with his aunt to have dinner. His lack of responsibility is furthered when he reveals his intention behind creating Bunbury. Jack’s announcement that he has created an imaginary brother named Ernest which allows him to travel to the city whenever he wants prompts Algernon to confess that he too has created a fictional friend named Bunbury. Algernon explains that he can use Bunbury as an excuse to get out of social functions that he does not want to attend.

This builds Algernon’s character to be one that is irresponsible and someone who is incapable of dealing with important people. Jack doubts that Algernon could even grasp his intentions behind proposing to Gwendolen in saying, “I don’t know whether you’ll be able to understand my real motives. You are hardly serious enough,” showing how even Algernon’s closest friends do not think that he is capable of anything but caring about himself (Wilde 13). His carefree attitude causes him to act impulsively in deciding to pretend to take on the persona of Ernest Worthing and win over Cecily, Jack’s ward, and propose to her within a day of meeting. Time and time again, Algernon decides to do things without considering the consequences. He racks up debt, lies to his aunt and his best friend and deceives Cecily into believing he is someone he is not all to entertain his own desires.

As self-indulging as his desires may be, Algernon’s actions point to a deeper motive: the intention to escape societal expectations. In the case of inventing Bunbury, he explains that this allows him to escape to the countryside at any time which also means he wants to get away from the city. In the city he has obligations to meet with other upper class people and make connections so the fact that he goes to an extreme to create a fake friend as an excuse shows how much he despises playing the role of a socialite.

In one instance when he is talking to his butler, Lane, Algernon comments that those in the working class, “seem…to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility,” implying that people lower in the social order will never understand the hardships that come with being in his position (Wilde 6). He goes on to say that, “it isn’t easy to be anything nowadays. There’s such a lot of beastily competition about,” which highlights the idea that the dog-eat-dog world of the upper class is something that he does want to be a part of.

In comparing him with his Aunt Augusta, we can see how different Algernon really is. She is someone who has a lot of pride in her social standing and eagerly part takes in dinners and events involving other successful people. Her insistence to have Gwendolen marry a man with wealth and power rivals the whimsical desires of Algernon who has relations with many women and marries Cecily, a girl with no parents or social influence. The way that Algernon presents himself as irresponsible is really a method to repel the expectations that society places on him and allows him to live the life he actually wants to live.

Overall, the choices Algernon makes create a false impression of himself to others as a way to hide his true desire of living freely. His family and closest friends believe him to be a trickster who only involves himself in activities that give him pleasure which is how he actually wants to be seen so that he can avoid the harsh competitive nature of elite society. In comparison, way we make our judgements and cause other people to view us could be as a result of our motives to escape expectations of ourselves as well. So when we tell others we are too tired or too lazy or incapable of doing the things we know we have to do, it could just be our excuse so we can live our lives how we want.

Communication has developed a lot since the world has developed into being more high-tech and fast pace. We connected with people first through the telegraph, then the landline telephone, and now we can interact with people anywhere in the world in a fraction of a second. Emails, phone calls, text messages, and now social media.

Investopedia defines social media as “a computer-based technology that facilitates the sharing of ideas and information and the building of virtual networks and communities”. Social media is the perfect tool to connect people all over the world in a second, and all the users of social media share and consume the information they see on social media.

The creation of social media had many benefits. It’s a quick and efficient way to share information and news to a wide-spread amount of people all at once, people can participate freely in conversations, and it helps to maintain old or far away friendships. Though, there are also a lot of negatives to social media.

The phenomenon of social facilitation is how the perceived presence of others influences us subconsciously through an increased number of hormones being released. Social media gives people the illusion that they are always being watched, that someone is always paying attention to what they post.

Social facilitation can influence what we post on social media, because often times because only like to post the best parts of their life on their social media profiles, and prefer to leave out the bad parts.

It’s easy to slip into a habit of wanting to represent yourself on social media as having the best possible life, and many users of social media apps want to have thousands and thousands of followers. Sometimes, I even find myself stressing over what people are going to think about the picture I post, or the tweet I write, or the Snapchat on my story.

I wonder what people are thinking of me and if they are judging me for my post. It causes anxiety for me sometimes, thinking how many people are going to see my post.

Social media has really changed how we perceive our peers and other people’s lives. There has been so many times that I’ve watched people take a picture, and then take it again, and the retake it, and again and again this cycle goes on until they feel like they took the perfect picture to post. Countless people Photoshop their pictures before up uploading it on Instagram or Facebook.

And Snapchat users will spend an abundant amount of time picking the right filters, GIFs, and stickers to add to their picture before adding it to their story. It has become a cycle of always trying to make our lives look perfect and pretty, because we want the people who follow us or stumble across our profile to think that our lives are just as grand as we portray them to be on our social media accounts. And we continue to post again and again just so people perceive that we are constantly having fun, and our lives are perfect.

The propinquity effect and mere exposure effect may play a part in way people are so obsessed with always being seen and known on social media. The propinquity effect is the idea that the more we see and interact with a person, the more we are likely to be there friend, and the mere-exposure effect is the more interaction we have to a stimulus, the more we are going to like that stimulus.

It’s possible that people believe if they post more, and they post only content of the good things in their life, then maybe people will like them more.

It’s not possible to completely be able to answer this, but I do believe that relationships have greatly changed since social media started booming. Social facilitation, the propinquity effect, and the mere exposure effect – more so the mere exposure effect because we are not physically interacting with anyone on social media.

Everyone wants to be liked, and everyone wants people to think they’re cool and adventurous and attractive, and maybe that’s why we try to effortlessly to only display the parts of our lives where those things seem to be true.

Not financially able, bad timing and immature behavior are all sayings that have recently ended up being a vital issue in numerous women’s lives. The debate between Pro-Choice and Pro-Life has escalated to the extremes since 1973, with 7.6 million babies killed due to abortion. Who knew that it could only take a simple action to take something away, that could have lasted a lifetime. Nowadays, abortion has become an issue, with mothers choosing what is best for themselves, leaving the child with no choice, and nothing to do about it.

In the Oxford Dictionary, it is defined as “the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy, most often performed during the first 28 weeks of pregnancy.” Which leaves the question: Does every human have the same rights to be aalive? Life starts at conception, so unborn children are individuals without a real existence to live and were never given the choice to live. Additionally, Premature birth can cause mental damage, as well as in a few cases of the fetus removal, it can influence women the most.

Lastly, In the event that women become pregnant, they ought to acknowledge the obligation in dealing with the child, and should not deny the privilege for the kid to be cherished and thought about. Nonetheless at certain times fetus removal occurs by assault or other improper sex, can abortion finally be taken into consideration or should abortion be the first thing that comes to mind. Therefore, abortion should be illegal because it is killing a living being, severely injuring the mother, and it denies the child the right to be loved and cared for.

Life begins at conception, so unborn babies are human beings without a life to live. Abortion is the killing of the human being, which defies with the Word of God. What makes them any different than us? This problem leads to the potential, hope, and future gone in a blink of an eye. Everyone agrees that adults have the right to life, however, others believe that the fertilizing cell that starts from conception does not have the right to live.

The fetus is an unborn human being, and just because it does not talk or do the things that we do, doesn’t mean it’s not a human being. “Human life begins at conception, so a fetus is an invisible human being ” Pro-Life Across America. The fetus is an innocent human being, which means killing them is an immoral action, that should never be taken into consideration. Allowing abortion is legalizing killing, which eventually reduces the respect of life from all genders. This can cause euthanasia, genocide, and an increase in murder rates.

Relating this to the word of God in”Jermiah 1:5 it states, Before I formed thee in the womb I knew you, and before you came out of the womb I sanctified you. I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” He always has a plan for us, that’s why he created us. In a mother’s perspective, using abortion to save yourself, is ridiculous, and unfair just to help your case. “To decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish” Mother Teresa. We are all living beings created by the same God and so when abortion is used, it diminishes the plan and goal in life and leads to murder which is a sin.

Abortion can cause psychological, social and physical damage. Psychologically, abortion might leave women with a deep feeling of regret, anger, guilt, shame, loneliness, and depression. Socially, women who had an abortion might affect their judgment on future relationships that can lead to isolation and unhealthy social impact. Lastly, abortion has negative physical consequences, it kills life, and might cause a clinical type of depression to the women. “My body, my right, my rules”- Women is usually the mindset women have when deciding for an abortion.

However, abortion is conducted on the baby, which is a completely different person other than the mother. A baby is a person, inside of a person it is not part of the mother. During the process of abortion, the baby is able to feel the pain by the 18th week. This pain all starts in the brain and sends it down throughout the whole body. Abortion can cause many disorders in women and the child, In many different ways and areas. Abortion may solve “all your problems”. However does it really give the satisfaction of doing the ethical thing.

If women become pregnant, they should accept the responsibility in taking care of the child and should not deny the right for the child to be loved and cared for. However, in some cases, abortion happens by rape or other inappropriate sexual intercourse, what happens in this case? “In my family, I have always been taught that no matter what happens, we must face the consequences and be responsible. If my mom had found out, she would have killed me.” (Smith). This is an example of women who had an abortion and realized that it was the wrong decision.

Many people say that the mother has a right to abort after coming to the realization that she doesn’t want a baby. However, when looking at the child’s rights, it was never given to him. The mother had the choice to not have unprotected sex in the first place. With our rights and choices come responsibilities. What if the mother was not intending on having sex, and got raped or sexually harassed? Statistically, it is proven that only 1% of abortions are by rape and the mother being in danger. There is no point thinking differently about a child conceived through rape. Their life is no less than a child conceived through love. Abortion defeats, the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

High school is an institution where individuals come to learn new things but it’s also structured as a small society because it is a place where many people from a different age, sex; social classes and belief meet to live together during hours every day. And like every society, there are inequalities, with people with more abilities to survive while others tend to be the wicker. And that is where that environment starts to be qualified as toxic.

The national centre for education statistics shows that “Nearly 1 in 5 students (21%) report being bullied during the school year, impacting over 5 million youth annually “and that “Students who experienced bullying or cyberbullying are nearly 2 times more likely to attempt suicide” students get bullied for a different reason but the most common one is known to be the religion, the sexual orientation or the skin colour.

This brings students not to feel comfortable in their environment but also to stress on the look people have on them and the eventual problems of those small differences in the way of being, dressing and thinking might bring.

Another thing  that affects teenagers’ happiness in high school is the stress that places provide like it has been mentioned in the teds talk “raising happy teenagers one of the main reasons for teenagers unhappiness is unrealistically high pressure to perform. Sometimes, high school students get an assignment that isn’t over their capacities but that makes them think that because of the short among of time given.

But that is not where the real problem is, teenagers every day are facing comparison, and critics on how their work is done or on marks. The real source of that stress is the feeling that they are never doing the right thing. Sometimes teachers focus more on how a student could get a better mark instead of thinking about why does that student did not get the wanted grade.

And all of these are stress factors that play a role in the unhappiness of student’s high schools. This environment is qualified as toxic because the student doesn’t feel as secured and understood as they imagined before getting into it.

Making changes in  structure of the class is one of the solutions I found to this issue, and knowing that a structure is everything that physically or virtually made up something divided into three parts; that are having later school start, having activities between classes and making physical changes on the actual environment.

Teenagers may have very bad reputation for staying up late and sleeping longer than any other demographic, the science shows that it’s not their fault. According to an article from BBC Worklife; “Biologically, teenagers have a different circadian rhythm to people of other ages. Their internal body clock, which tells them when and how long to sleep, doesn’t line up well with the norms of the social clock.”

This article briefly explains that the common school start hours don’t match with the sleep schedule of teenagers and that leads to a lack of sleep that affects their physical abilities, but also their mental health. Having a later school start would increase the students’ performance in school but help in the reduction of stress and mood swings.

Making changes in those hours could help teenagers feeling better at school. But another way to increase such feeling could also be having activities during classes because according to a French health website “top santé “after 25mn the attention given to work or explanation starts decreasing.

Can you imagine how hard it is for teenagers to stay concentrated during 2 hours on some teachers’ explanations; having breaks during classes with activities like mediations would help increase the teenagers’’ capacity to concentrate but also help to release and have a more stable mental health.

When I talk about making changes in the class structure I also means physical changes. But making changes in the physical environment of students in  high school by changing the way students sit in class or including them in the decoration of their environment would help them to feel better in it.

In conclusion high school students are unhappy about school for very many reasons such as restrictions, stress issues, and judgment related to that place. All of that brings some psychological reaction called association that makes teenagers associate all the bad things that happened to them during their high school years to that environment.

To solve such issues I came up with two main solutions that are making changes in the class structure by having later school start, activities between classes, and changes in the physical high school environment. As a second solution I found the psychological support of students in high school in two levels. I think that they might be hard to install but can make high school a better environment for teenagers.

Maybe you’re struggling under the weight of constant comparison, always falling short of the impossible standard you have in your mind. Maybe you’ve lost friendships because of your constant need to be the best, or your relationships have lost intimacy because comparison has stolen your ability to be a true and uplifting friend.

Or maybe you’re just tired. Is the deep inhale and exhale brought on by sudden overwhelm. It is the moment you catch yourself being your worst critic, and then letting go of that tension. Because damn, maybe you’re just tired! It is the self-compassion that follows deep frustration, and choosing being kind and understanding to yourself when confronted with a personal flaw or a moment lacking in grace

Tired of the constant barrage of life that fills your mind with anxiety, doubt, depression, and anger because of comparison.

“I can’t keep up!” you think. You long for a place of peace where you can be loved for who you are, not for what you have, what you’ve accomplished, your popularity, influence, and likes. Loved with no filter needed.

I know, because that was me. At the beginning of this year, I decided to take a three day, water-only fast and pray over a few things I wanted to overcome in my personal life. I wrote a few prayers on post-it notes and stuck them on a wall in my closet. I was really good about getting up in the morning and spending extra time in God’s presence praying over these post-it notes… for about three days. As soon as my fast ended, my extra prayer time seemed to end as well. What didn’t end was God’s power at work in my life through those specific prayers I laid at His feet.

Like most people who experience burnout, it felt like a strange land. I had been tired before, but I had never truly been burned out. It was so disorienting I didn’t know what to do.

What terrified me is that I knew many in ministry and life had gone down this road before me and some of them never made it back.

One particular prayer was this: “Help me break free from comparison!” I felt pulled down, overcome by an invisible weight, blinded by my judgments of others. I unfollowed people on social media who made me feel inferior. I talked negatively about people who made me feel jealous and never celebrated with those who were accomplishing great things in their lives.

The only peace I had was isolation. When no one was around to compare myself to, I was safe. But loneliness set in and left my world small and my mind smaller. I wanted a way OUT!

The following reading plan is the answer I feel came straight from the Throne of Grace. Over the next 7 days we’ll explore questions like:

What is comparison?

What happens when we compare?

How do we overcome comparison?

Through these thoughts, given straight from God in my searching prayer for freedom, I believe you will also find freedom from the trap of comparison and experience the full and abundant life He planned for you.