Suicide

Causes and Effects of Broken Relationship

A relationship is normally viewed as a connection between two individuals, such as a romantic relationship between a boy and a girl. A typical relationship is built through a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring towards the person the relationship is concerned to. The conception of relationship encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial.

Thus relationship in its various forms acts as a major facilitator. For further proceeding to this analysis of impact of broken relationship we now need to clarify how different types of relations are built and what are the facts that lead those relations to an unfair end meaning “break-up”. Interpersonal relationship: is a relatively long-term association between a boy and a girl (assuming the nonexistence of gay and lesbian relationship in our country). This association may be based on emotions like love and liking, as well as regular interactions.

Interpersonal relationships take place in a great variety of contexts, such as friends, marriage, acquaintances, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and most significantly colleges and universities. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement. They are the basis of social groups. Abusive relationships: Although human beings are fundamentally social creatures, interpersonal relationships are not always healthy. Such unhealthy relationships are basically known as abusive relationships.

Abusive relationships include and codependence which means the boy or the girl, either or both of them are heavily depended to each other. All relationships involve some level of interdependence. People in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings, and engage in activities together. Because of this interdependence, anything that changes or impacts one member of the relationship will have some level of impact on the other member. Intimate relationship: is a particularly close interpersonal relationship.

It is a relationship in which the participants (both the boy and girl) know or trust one another very well. They also have confidants of one another. It is a relationship in which there is physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romance, passionate, attachment, and sexual activity whereas emotional intimacy is something that directly relates to emotion. According to George Levinger (1983), the natural development of a relationship follows five stages:

1. Acquaintance – Becoming acquainted depends on physical proximity, first impressions, and a variety of other factors.If a boy and a girl begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely.
2. Buildup – During this stage, that boy and girl begin to trust and care about each other. The need for compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues.
3. Continuation – This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long term friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period.Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.
4. Deterioration – Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do tend to show signs of trouble.
5. Termination – The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by death in the case of a healthy relationship, or by broken-up. Methodology For conducting my research I used both primary and secondary data. To know the public point of view regarding this matter I made a questionnaire and did the survey of thirty people.

Many of them were enthusiastically filled up questionnaire. Questionnaire was prepared, which consisted of about 10 questions. All questions were directly related to the topic. The questionnaire was made to identify causes of broken relationship, its effect to jeopardize career, and recommendation regarding broken relationship. I got lots of information from internet, but little bit from magazine and journal regarding this topic. Few of my friends gave me lots of idea which were really helpful for me to write up a research paper on this topic. Limitation

To pull out the required information I had to do survey. I had faced some problems during preparing the research paper like- time constrains: this is quite obvious problem for every student to finish a research within a three and half month. So I have no other choice but to narrow it down.

Research Findings

To justify my thesis statement, I have prepared questionnaire, which included with ten questions. Among these questions first four questions were based on MCQ and rest of the open ended questions. Now I am clarifying each of the questions on the basis of my findings. 0% responses that he/ she will be good looking, wealthy and beautiful mind which is option (d), when he/she is going to choose his girlfriend/her boyfriend. But in reality it is not possible. 30% responses, that he/she will have beautiful mind. Below 10% suggest that wealthy and above 10% go with good looking are matters of choosing a boyfriend/girlfriend. More than 35% think that mental disagreement is the main reason, which leads a fair relationship to an unfair end. 30% response inequality in social status directs them to breaks up.

Nearly 15% suggest other reasons whereas 20% agree that sexual dissatisfaction are also responsible ending up their relation. More than 45% response that he/she would be very disappointed when his or her girlfriend family does not accept their relationship. Less than 10% suggest they would marry without their permission. 30% do not know what they actually do and above 15% will accept it as a normal way. If he or she cannot match with his girlfriend or her boyfriend mentality after passing certain time, more than 55% response he or she will take the decision to end up their relation.

Over 20% are confused what they would do as well as below 20% react in this way that he or she will try to adjust. Now a day more than 70% think relationship between boys and girls do not last for longer period of time because of- choice vary from time to time, lack of trust worthiness, more materialism, as well as foreign culture. Nearly 70% do not agree that social status might cause to breakup relationship between a boy and girl. Relationship does not know any barrier and it does not also have any boundary. Actually it depends on the mentality and understanding with each other. 0% response broken relationship have negative impact in his/her future life. After happened this he/she will not be able to concentrate on their education. He/she will be hopeless and frustrated to do anything in their lives. He/she will be addicted to drug so that he/she forgets his/her past events from his or her life. My next question was- How would you likely to feel/act if you ever break-up with someone whom you truly love? Break-up in life is not an easy thing. It will loose the rhythm of life. One of survey responders said that she cannot think about it.

Someone said that he will give thanks for having passed some good time with him. Sometimes suicide attend is taken by boy or girl whenever breakup their relationship to whom they truly love. My last question was- What would you like to recommend preventing break-up as well as its consequences? Before going to involve with any kind of relation, boy or girl needs to understand his or her mentality as well as circumstances. Boy/girl will also try to match with each other social and family status. They would show respect to each others feelings and values.

Therefore, Compromising and sacrificing will help to preventing ending up a relationship. So, having done my entire research I have come with my thesis statement which is partially correct. From the survey it is found that break-up does not usually occur for social inequality rather it happens due to mental disagreement for most of the cases. Causes of broken relationship Social causes- Family pressure: In our cultural prospective it is a vital reason for breaking up relationship. Usually when the boy’s or girl’s family know about their relationship, their families usually do not accept it and tell them not to meet each other.

And particularly when the girl denies hearing them, she is being tortured by the family members, physically and mentally.

Inequality in social status

For breaking up such kind of relation it is a common issue in our country. Sometimes, social status plays a role to end a relationship between a boy and girl. Parents do not permit their boy or girl to make any relation which will loose their prestige in the front of their society. If they fail to maintain their social status, they will be ignored or denied by their relatives, neighbor etc.

Western trend: Now a day western trend also an ordinary issue, it is become a mixed cultural trend in our society. In this way boyfriend and girlfriend take such kind of relationship as a time pass job. They try to get benefit within a short time period and after that they switch to another partner. Movies and drama serials: Through movies and drama serials boy/girl basically grapes the how to deal with his/her girlfriend/ boyfriend, they act like that (their dress up, way of talking,), but it does not accept in our customs by the boy/girl. So there is a present of misunderstanding, which leads to end a relation.

Religious views: Sometimes religion make a crucial issue of Break Up, when a boy or girl starts getting to know his girlfriend or boyfriend is from different religion or he / she does not have any mandatory religion beliefs, for which he or she does not want to deal with or believe in him/her. In our society, most of the people are Muslim that’s why guardians do not permit as well as our culture is not familiar such kind of relationship.

Mental causes – Loss of trust

Each healthy relation is made up of strong trust. We know that healthy relation means relation may include love, sympathy, and respect for each other.

Trust is a base for relation. If any one breaks-up this trust then it’s very difficult to recover again. Many times girl doesn’t want to introduce her other friends to boyfriend. This kind of event is generally happen with every woman because many times she is scared or she may feel that her boyfriend will leave her only because of that. She is trying to hide the thing and if boyfriend caught then both feel trust is dying from their relation.

Misbehavior

It is true that change is the law of nature. However, sudden changes for human beings are sometimes difficult to accept.

Even though it is nightmare for a boyfriend or girlfriend to break-up relationship sometimes he or she can see the changes of behavior of his girlfriend or her boyfriend which indicates as symptom of ending relationship.

Conflicts

Constructive conflicts are healthy for a relationship. But when a boy or girl has become quarrelsome over insignificant issues, then this is a warning that he or she is looking for a break up.

Distance

Some moments of distractions are obvious in a relationship. However, when boy or girl is in a constant state of unavailability, he or she may be setting his or her mind for a break up.

Criticism

criticism also takes place in a relationship. Boyfriend or girlfriend may criticize each other as to bring some behavioral changes and strengthen the relationship. But, if he or she becomes less tolerant of almost everything; don’t be surprised, as constant criticism is a telltale sign of a break up. Boredom: A long time continuous relation may lead to bore, because it makes into a routine work with girlfriend/boyfriend like he/she is meeting the same person, visiting the same kind of place, talking about the same topics etc for a long period of time.

As a result nothing remains romantic and they find that the spark has gone out on their relationship.

Undesirable

Undesirable is a formal reason for break up such kind of relation. Sometime boys expect some illegal act from his girlfriend which girls may refuse to do. Moreover boyfriend wants some study to help her girlfriend like as to do an assignment for her. Sometimes girl expects some special or costly birthday gift which her boyfriend does not fulfill as requirement. Therefore, in the beginning they do not share their hidden disappointment, but lastly when time goes on they start quarrel each other.

Interference

People like leave separately even they don’t want a change in their routine life. It’s a general tendency of all human being. Many times only because of lack of trust of girlfriend/boyfriend always make interfere in his/her each and every matter. For example, it’s not good pattern of your shirt? Don’t talk with him. Don’t eat that because I don’t like it because of all this statements he/she is really get irritate. There are some signs that are related to the mental causes to end a relationship between a boyfriend and girl friend.

When- He or she has a feeling of continuous frustration about the relationship. He or she is being physically and mentally abused. He or she is finding more reasons to spend time apart. He or she no longer has strong feelings about his girlfriend or her boyfriend. He or she has changed his or her core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate his or her hopes that will no longer be problematic in his or her relationship. He or she has made drastic changes in his or her appearance to become more attractive others. He or she has a growing feeling of emptiness.

He or she has put extreme distance or totally cut off formal close relationships. Jeopardy career (effects of broken relationship): Surviving after breaking-up a relationship is tough. When someone breaks-up relationship with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, he/she feels like trash and he/she is not in a good mood. All the time he/she becomes inactive in his or her activities. They keep crying all the time and feel that there is no meaning of life. So the immediate effect of the break-up is pain. The pain goes away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact is high.

It is the initial periods during which one has to gather all the energy and tolerate the pain and takes some worse step which is hamper their life and career.

The effects are following – Ruin educational career

Most of the time after broken a relationship boy and girl does not want to continue their education. They thought for whom I will continue my study; there is no need to build up my career. My life is end. There is no value of my life.

Depression

After boy’s and girl’s break up relation depression is a common effect on which they survive a long time.

Depression feels like a black curtain of despair coming down over their lives. Many believe that they are dull and do not deserve anything. Others feel irritable all the time for no apparent reason. Another name of depression is loneliness.

Insomnia

Insomnia is a symptom of a sleeping disorder characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep despite the opportunity. In this circumstance all the time he/she thinks about his/her girlfriend/boyfriend and tries to find the reason why his/her girlfriend/boyfriend dump him and so on. Suicidal attend: It is a common type phenomena after breaks-up a relation.

Suicide is the act of deliberately taking one’s own life. When he or she totally isolated, feel like life is meaning less or does not any benefit to survive without her, they belong on a frustration and thought her love is dead at that time they attend to do such kind of activity. Drug addiction: It is another kind of worse effect, which occurs for the breaking up relation. At that time he/she tries to escape some physical or mental pain by taking drug. Drug addicts don’t become addicted with the intention to destroy their lives and to cause upset to those they love.

Usually when he/she does not able to cope with some aspect of his/her reality and is introduced to drugs, he/she feels by having perhaps solved the problem itself. Loss of trust in future: Another vital effect is loss of trust. After such kind of relation he/ she do not able to trust any more of another. She/he is used to think all boys/girls are lire. They do all just for time pass, therefore at their future relation they can’t able to trust her husband/his wife. As a result there is no more continuation of smooth relation.

Recommendation

Overcoming a relationship breakup may be a difficult task. It is one of the hardest things in life. It requires lots of courage and emotional strength. Overcoming a relationship breakup is a skillful way to start his or her life with new hopes. Relationship of a boyfriend and girlfriend may break due to several reasons. It is a stressful and unpleasant situation. Both may feel rejected and frustrated. As his or her loving and caring girlfriend or boyfriend is not with her or him, she or he may feel lonely and helpless. However, keep in mind that it is not the end of happiness in his or her life.

There are so many interesting things that a boy or a girl can enjoy after breakup their relationship. Hence, that boy and girl should try to overcome the relationship breakup so that their future career do not hamper and take pleasure of life in a new way.

Ways to Overcome a Relationship Breakup

a boy and girl can overcome the grief of a relationship breakup by adopting different ways. Here are some useful tips, which may help him or her to come out of this heart-aching situation. Drain out emotion: Immediately after the breakup, a boy or girl needs to give some time to drain out his or her emotions.

During this period, he or she may cry, rave in his or her anger; grieve at the unfair treatment that he or she received from his or her parents. Let all painful emotions drain out of his or her mind. Help him or herself: Don’t frequently recall the pleasant or sad moments from the past. That boy and girl should avoid looking at the mementos of his or her former relationship like photos, letters or gift items. They are supposed to do not blame one another for what had happened and try to find out individual mistakes. That boy and girl should think about improving him or herself, which will be helpful for her or his future relationships.

He or she ought to forget about the past and think about future. That boy and girl should keep him or herself busy is the best way to overcome his or her grief. They should engage in their own work or social activities as well as get involved in his or her favorite hobby. Lean on friends: Family members and friends are the backbone to support him or her in his or her toughest times. They can play a positive role in overcoming this stressful situation. That boy or girl can share his or her feelings and problems with them in order to get their support. Enjoy picnics and outings with them. He or she does not often talk about his or her past.

As much as possible, he or she should try to avoid the topics that cause his or her stress. Avoid sad triggers: when relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend is broken up they must try to avoid the things that remind him or her such as songs, movies or restaurants. During the first few days following a breakup, strictly avoid these sad triggers. Change attitude: that boy and girl need to change his or her attitude in order to overcome a relationship breakup. He or she should have positive approach towards his or her life. Don’t get frustrated for being rejected. Don’t take it as a total failure of life.

He or she is supposed to try to change his or her lifestyle and take another chance. He or she will try to find the person who can bring positive changes in his or her life. Don’t get frustrated and disappointed due to a relationship breakup. He or she should mind it that it’s not the end of the world. Cheerful and hopeful future is still waiting for him or her. He or she needs to rebuild and recuperate with new hopes by overcoming the relationship breakup (Jirage, 2008).

References

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A blade tearing through skin… Unman skin.. Then the color, it was so vivid. As if you were staring at the sun with your bare eyes and they caught fire. And the feeling. Warm, dripping down my hands, seeping into my clothes. I find I am no longer able to walk without slipping on the pools of blood that cover my bedroom floor. There is no escape. Not even in sleep. I was overwhelmed by ambition. Thane Of Castor King The very though made me shake with excitement but now I can only tremble with fear.

Your letter announcing you had become THANE OF CASTOR was he spark that lit a flame of my ambition. I love you.. But I’m not the only one falling apart here… You’d be lying if you said you weren’t. And us together, were falling apart. We only have catheter to trust however you no longer have trust in me. This path we have chosen.. Its not like we imagined it to me. We loathed power, status and respect. We’ve received betrayal and hatred. All that’s left is the screams of a mother and her children, that wont leave my head.

I have sunk into an empty abyss and cannot find anyway out . This depression has taken me as a hostage and no one can rescue me, no matter how hard they try. I don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel. I can only hope that in death will find peace. Life here is just no longer bearable. I’m exhausted; this depression has become so insidious that can no longer see my future. You may view me as a coward but believe I am more brave and courageous then 10 Of you combined, so don’t you even begin to view me like that. Remember I helped you get here so don’t waste it.

This isn’t the path we had planned for.. But I can only believe my death will help clear it for you. I refuse to live life in fear any longer and the only way to achieve that is by not living. I know you’ll understand. Though now it may not shine as bright, promise to keep your ambition lit and don’t ever let anyone blow it out. Don’t let them see your confidence waver. Until we reunite in death know that I will never lose my love for you. Its safer to be that which we destroy Than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy.

Durkheim wrote in the 1890s and was one of the first sociologists right at the forefront of establishing and defining sociology as a scientific discipline. Durkheim argued that it was not only possible to apply scientific principles to social phenomena but that it was essential to do so in order to produce useful sociology. His 1897 book suicide: a study in sociology uses his scientific methods to explore suicide. Durkheim chooses suicide deliberately, because as the most individual, private and psychologically driven act it was considered by most not to be a social phenomenon.

If sociology could identify social factors and causes of suicide, this would demonstrate the power and impact of society on individual behaviour. So in Durkheim’s view he believes our behaviour is caused by social facts and they are said to be external from the individual, constrain individuals and be greater than the individuals. After Durkheim’s analysis of official statistics on suicide it revealed some social groups are more likely to commit suicide than others. For Durkheim, the social patterns of suicide he discovered is not a random individual act but as stated by Luke’s social factors play a key role.

Durkheim’s work showed a correlation between suicide and social facts like suicide rates were higher in predominantly protestant countries than in catholic ones, Jews were the religious group with the lowest suicide rate, married people were less likely to commit suicide and those with higher education had a higher suicide rate. Durkheim said different forms of suicide related to how much integration and regulation there was in society and this would provide us with a fourfold typology. The term social integration means socialisation into the norms, values and lifestyles of social groups and society.

Regulation meaning the control that society and social groups has over an individual’s behaviour. With these two factors Durkheim brings upon egoistic suicide not enough integration. The individual isn’t successfully integrated into groups or society, anomic not enough regulation society has insufficient control over individuals, altruistic too much integration an over integrated individual sacrifices their life for the group and fatalistic too much regulation the individual is too highly controlled by society. Durkheim’s work can also be applied into type of society.

As Durkheim states modern societies and traditional society differ from one and other in their levels of integration and regulation. Durkheim discovers that modern industrial societies have lower levels of integration due to lack of freedom this weakens bonds and give rise to egoistic suicide. Whilst, traditional pre-industrial societies have higher levels of integration as the group is more important than the individual and this gives rise to altruistic suicide. Durkheim has been criticised by other positivist sociologist.

Halbwachs largely supported Durkheim’s conclusion but pointed out that the impact of rural versus urban lifestyles on suicide rates hadn’t been considered. Also, Gibbs and Martin argued that Durkheim hadn’t used vigorous enough scientific methods even though he’d stressed how important they were. The key concepts of integration and regulation weren’t defined closely enough to be measured statistically. Gibbs and Martin query how anyone can know how anyone can know what “normal” levels of integration and regulation are.

Interpretivist sociologists have devised alternative theories of suicide they say social reality is not a series of social facts for sociologists to discover, but a series of different meanings and interpretations that each person brings to and takes from each situation. Durkheim’s work is fatally flawed from this perspective because he relies on the unquestioning use of official statistics. According to interpretivists, statistics are not fact they are a social construction based on the definition of the people who compile them.

Douglas takes an Interactionist approach to suicide and he is interested in the meaning that suicide has for the deceased, and the way that coroners label death as suicides. He criticises Durkheim’s study of suicide on two main grounds. One of them being the use of suicide statistics because the decision to classify death as a suicide is taken by a coroner and this may produce bias in verdicts reached. So Douglas feels these are the patterns Durkheim found and that well integrated have friends and relatives who may deny death and this explains their low level of suicide.

So Durkheim indicates that suicide verdicts and statistics are based on interactions and negotiations between those involved like friends, doctors and police as they may affect death being labelled as a suicide, rather than it actually being one. That’s why people feel integration plays no dividends. Douglas second point criticises Durkheim for ignoring the meanings of the act for those who kill themselves and for assuming that suicide has a fixed or constant meaning.

Douglas backs this up as he notes the cultural differences by Japanese samurai warrior who kill themselves because they have been dishonoured by western society. Douglas also states that we need to categorise suicides according to their social meanings because the triggers and response to suicide are different in different cultures. These social meanings consist of transformation of the soul, transformation of the self, achieving sympathy and achieving revenge.

Douglas can be criticised, as he is inconsistent, sometimes suggesting that official statistics are merely the product of coroner’s opinions. At other times, he claims we really can discover the cause of suicide-yet how can we, if we can never know whether a death was a suicide and all we have is coroners opinions? Douglas also produces a classification of suicide based on the supposed meanings for the actors. However, there is no reason to believe that sociologists are any better than coroners at interpreting dead person’s meanings.

Seeing the high economic growth of Japan, and using the country’s high tech products that are sold all around the globe, all non-Japanese people have an idea about the culture of the nation.  In the international mind, Japan is highly business minded, believes in economic nationalism, and is mainly Buddhist.

All Buddhist nations in the world, except for China and Korea, are perfectly peaceful in their foreign relations, which is to say that they practice the theory of nonviolence propounded by the wisest of people.  In order to practice nonviolence, any human being must act quite unfeeling or unemotional, which is actually quite beneficial in Japanese business too.

The phrase ‘cold and calculating’ is apt in describing the benefits of being unemotional in business.  It is this unemotional Japanese culture that comes to the fore in Kazuo Ishiguro’s A Family Supper.  The story is an exposition of the Japanese culture in the foreign mind.  Given that it does not describe the culture of Japan away from the narrator’s home, it is the story of a Japanese home, which happens to be typically Japanese in the perspective of the non-Japanese reader.

The Japanese apparently do not believe in the exhibition of their emotions.  If they are extremely worried, upset, or depressed, they prefer to commit suicide rather than to expose themselves to shame by revealing their emotional problems to others.  Ishiguro’s story deals with two suicides, one of the narrator’s mother, and the other of his father’s friend, Watanabe.

The latter was suffering from business problems, and therefore committed suicide because of the emotional strain that he could not express to others.  Business is, of course, all important to the Japanese.  In the case of the narrator’s mother, we are told that she consumed the dreadful fugu fish, which everybody knew to be poisonous or highly risky to consume.

The mother used to avoid consuming the fugu fish, “but on this particular occasion,” writes Ishiguro, “she made an exception, having been invited by an old school friend whom she was anxious not to offend” (320).  Obviously, the mother wanted to commit suicide.

Neither she nor Watanabe were said to use the help of a psychotherapist when they were suffering from emotional problems.  In her case, “She had many worries.  And some disappointments” (325).  In the case of Watanabe, we are informed by the narrator’s father, “He didn’t wish to live with the disgrace” of having lost his business (320).  Yet, both the mother and Watanabe feel emotions that are intense enough to call for suicide.

It appears strange that a highly business minded society is not positive enough to deal properly with its emotional problems.  In other words, the Japanese society that is described through Ishiguro’s story does not always seem to struggle for survival, hoping, praying, believing, and expecting better days.  Instead, everything seems to be alright for individuals until they cannot seem to deal with their emotional problems and decide to end their lives.

What is more, nobody seems to miss the people who have died with intense emotions.  The narrator of Ishiguro’s story does not even recognize his mother’s face in the picture during the family supper, on which the story is based.  All that the Japanese seem to feel for the deceased is rationalized sympathy.  Both the narrator and his sister, Kikuko, refer to their deceased mother as “Poor Mother” (323).

They believed that their mother was poor or unfortunate because she could not deal with her problems in a positive way.  Neither did Watanabe assume that he could start afresh with a new business.  For him, the end of his business marked the end of his life.  The unemotional nature he must have expressed in business did not help him out.  Rather, Watanabe felt emotions that he found humiliating to express before his death, just like the mother who also committed suicide.

Although the narrator of “A Family Supper” is visiting Japan two years after his mother’s death, there is no family discussion held about his mother.  Only facts are important to know.  Anything emotional seems to be avoided at all costs.

The narrator’s mother did not confide in her children during her depressive phase before the suicide.  And, if she had mentioned her problems to her husband, he is not willing to share them with the children.  By underplaying emotions, the Japanese family is revealing its cultural belief in rationality that defines its economic success.

As a matter of fact, Japan is known to be a very successful nation.  If the country had been emotional and violent, it would most likely have been beset by problems known to the entire world.  But we do not hear about the budget deficit in Japan, neither do news reports complain that Japan has bullied another nation.

All emotions seem to be checked, and the mind is held supreme.  Nevertheless, it is human nature to fail as well as succeed.  Perhaps the mother of the narrator as well as Watanabe had had their minds failed.  Both of them had passed the stage of youth.  Still, they did not seem to have revealed their strong emotions unto others.  Even Kikuko, while living with her mother, did not seem to have focused on her mother’s problems.  Both the suicides seem to have been done based on the intellect alone, even if the intellect had pretty much failed.  In other words, Watanabe and the mother must have lost their minds.  Therefore, the reader cannot blame lack of emotions, seeing that Japan remains generally successful without them.

Kikuko does not ‘feel’ love toward her boyfriend.  She is not even sure whether the boy whom she likes would be good for her to spend a lot of time with.  This is another exposition of the unemotional nature of the Japanese, although the reader may assume that Kikuko may eventually start feeling enough for a man whom she would finally marry.  And, she will marry – that is a certainty.

All non-Japanese people probably have an idea about the family values of the Asians.  Asian societies are mostly patriarchal.  Kikuko cannot speak openly before her father: “She answered him with short, formal replies” (321).  Moreover, the girl must obey her father without questioning and without doubts.  There is no friendliness between the father and daughter.  What is more, the girl is probably not allowed to smoke before her father.

She mentions to her brother that she had been wanting to smoke for quite a while.  When he asks her why she did not smoke, she simply points at her house, referring to the father inside the house.  She must respect her father unconditionally, and there is no point in questioning why he would not agree to his daughter’s desire to smoke as opposed to his son’s.  It is tradition, it is faith.

Japanese girls normally do not smoke before their fathers because smoking is a bad habit that girls in particular should not adopt.  Kikuko is expected to cook in the home, and serve tea.  Besides, she must marry soon after her education is complete.  This is, indeed, a typically Asian perception of gender roles.  And, foreign readers of Ishiguro’s story must be aware of it to begin with, for this kind of knowledge exists in our collective consciousness if nothing else.

Ishiguro takes the foreign reader into the Japanese home to remind him or her about the culture of Japan that the reader may already have knowledge about.  In point of fact, Ishiguro’s story confirms our beliefs about the unemotional and patriarchal Japanese culture.  The unemotional nature of Japan has done it good, although when a Japanese person loses his or her rationality, there may be no turning back.  After reading the story, there is no doubt left in the reader’s mind as to whether Japan would show great emotions in the near future, or if the country has become modernized enough to leave the patriarchal culture behind.  In truth, Japan is still holding firm its cultural values.

Works Cited

Ishiguro, Kazuo. “A Family Supper.”

Outline

Literature Summary: “The Things They Carried”, published in 1990 tells a true story of Tim O’Brian, author and main character, who is drafted for the Vietnam war. He tells about the different items that him and his fellow soldiers carried with them to help cope with the traumatic environment that they were placed in.

Thesis Statement: is a perfect example that shows that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an issue as old as war, only recently have we discovered its true effects on our servicemen and women, and we have yet to find a truly effective remedy. I. What are the causes of PTSD?

A. Tony Dokoupil claims “moral injury” is the leading cause of PTSD. B. Robert Burns says army suicides are way to high.
II. How current treatment for PTSD is failing?
A. Lindsey Tanner reveals that dangerous painkillers are given to vulnerable veterans. B. Tony Dokoupil examines the changes in a group of veterans once they return from battle. III. How could treatment be better?

A. William Becker shares his belief on the ideal treatment.
B. What is our job as civilians for our veterans?
PTSD: An Epidemic
Does America Need to Improve Treatment?

Most Americans know that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is something that effects veterans when they come back from war. However, most Americans don’t know the full extent of PTSD in a veteran’s life. There are some very serious effects of war that change the lives of veterans and those close to them. Most soldiers want to protect their country and still make it home alive. This sometimes forces an innocent man to do things that he is ashamed of.

Also, just the trauma and risk of being in a war can cause a man to be changed drastically when he returns from war. The treatment for this common disorder is lacking effectiveness. In some cases veterans end up being worse after finishing treatment and others just cover up their guilt and sadness with prescription drugs. Being one of the most advanced countries in the world it is only reasonable that America could find a better way to treat this devastating syndrome. It is the least American citizens can do for sending thousands of troops into a traumatic situation.

The Things They Carried is a perfect example that shows that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an issue as old as war, only recently have we discovered its true effects on our servicemen and women, and we have yet to find a truly effective remedy. In the book The Things They Carried Lieutenant Jimmy Cross feels guilty because he believes that he is not the leader that the men in his company need (1990). Tony Dokoupil also discusses this in his article, “Moral Injury”, by stating that recent studies have discovered that guilt may be a major factor of PTSD.

Dokoupil talks about a group of marine preservatives, the Saints and the Sinners. He explains how Fox Company, members of The Saints and the Sinners, were walking through the streets of Baghdad when their radio operator was shot in the head. Fox Company began taking heavy fire, so they started shooting at everything that moved. Instantly bullets rained down and a grenade even bounced behind their cover. However it was a dud. Tony claims that “moral injury” is the leading cause of PTSD. Most marines talk about guilt, shame, or regret, not about being scared.

Dokoupil continues to write about Lu Lobello who was a machine gunner in Fox Company. When Lobello talked to a group of people about his experience, he revealed that they had killed about 20 civilians that particular day in Baghdad. Lobello describes the many cars holding families in them that were lifeless after the firefight. His most disturbing image of that day was a fellow marine who turned to Lobello and screamed, “We shot a baby” (as cited in Dokoupil, 2012)! Dokoupil explains that marines aren’t scared, they feel guilty and regretful (2012).

In Robert Burns article, “Military Suicides are at a Record High”, he stresses “Suicides in the U. S. Military surged to a record 349 last year. ” Burns explains that not only is this number way too high, but is 48 suicides more than the year before (2012). Warren Kinghorn, a psychiatrist at the Department of Veteran Affairs (VA), stresses that in 2012, suicide was a greater cause of death than combat soldiers. “An estimated 10%-20% of returning combat veterans meet criteria for PTSD,” says Kinghorn.

She explains that when a veteran walks into the VA, the treatment often involves a short-term talk therapy course and medication. “That is far from enough”, Kinghorn expresses. The definition of PTSD is having “experienced, witnessed, or (have) been confronted with death or serious injury in oneself or others. ” This is very misleading because most veterans suffer due to taking the life of other human beings. Shira Maguen, a psychologist at the San Francisco VA Medical Center, has documented that PTSD is worse and thoughts of suicide are higher among veterans who have killed someone (as cited in Kinghorn, 2012). (2012)

According to an article by Lindsey Tanner, a government study claims that pain killers such as morphine are being prescribed to veterans who suffer from physical pain along with PTSD, and the results are often dangerous. The same study mentions that not only are these veterans prone to drug and alcohol abuse but they are twice as likely to be prescribed addictive pain killers over veterans with only physical pain. Along with addiction, suicides, and other self inflicted injuries, are more common for veterans with PTSD who received those drugs.

Michael Von Korff, a chronic illness researcher, stresses that the emotional problems involved in PTSD are often made worse by these opioids (as cited in Tanner, 2012). Tanner goes on to say, “These prescriptions went to almost 18 percent of vets with PTSD and 12 percent of those with other mental health problems, compared to about 7 percent of vets without these problems. ” Dr. William Becker, a Yale university instructor, says “The study brings much needed attention to the complexity of this problem (2012). ” Tony Dokoupil’s article points out that even though Fox Company made it home alive they were changed forever.

One in four of them had PTSD. The men of Fox Company tried to hide it, but careers crumbled and marriages fell apart. Dokoupil adds, “Self harm is now the leading cause of death for members of the army… Every month 1,000 of them attempt to take their own lives (2012). ” This is similar in the novel The Things They Carried. Tim introduces us to his daughter Kathleen, he tries to tell her the meaning of war and why we participate in it but he just cannot tell her the whole truth. Just like Fox Company Tim had done things that he was ashamed of and he could not talk about them openly to his family.

Which is why treatment is such an important foundation for veterans (1990). In Lindsey Tanner’s article “Vets Prone to Drug Addiction Get Risky Painkillers”, William Becker says “The ideal treatment includes behavioral counseling therapy for war wounds and management of chronic pain” (as cited in Tanner, 2012) (2012). “On Guard Against PTSD” is an article that explains that security professionals who get assigned to dangerous, stressful situations will also experience post-traumatic stress. This is normal says the article, but when this occurs continuously and intensely is when it gets dangerous.

The article continues by stating that sooner or later the human body runs out of ways to cope and is overwhelmed mentally and physically, leading to PTSD (2013). Warren Kinghorn also explains in his article, “The Moral Dimensions of PTSD”, that as civilians it is our job to take care of the veterans and have patience with their recovery, we sent them to war in the first place, it’s the least we can do (2012). PTSD going untreated is still a current epidemic. “Gunman killed by police was Iraq vet who spoke of PTSD” is an article explaining the story of Santiago A. Cisneros III.

He lived in Multnomah county and on Monday, March 4th, 2013 he opened fire on two police officers. The officers had no choice to shoot back and kill Cisneros. This Oregonian veteran had frequently talked about PTSD and how he may have it, but he never got treatment. This just shows how these men and women are expected to be tough and strong and how they can feel ashamed to ask for help (2013). “Take heart; Post-traumatic stress disorder” says that the death and suicide of too many veterans has prompted the Army to promise that seeking treatment will not affect a soldiers job.

This article also says that the idea of giving PTSD sufferers a Purple Heart award has been tossed around among government officials. This only seems fair due to the life-changing risk that they took to end up with this dramatic disorder (2009). America should take Ted Lavender into account when they think of how not to treat PTSD. He is another character that O’Brian writes about in The Things They Carried. Sadly he dies shortly after the novel begins but up until that point he is popping tranquilizer pills to calm himself down. This illustrates the type of addiction that could occur in a veterans life (1990).

Post-traumatic stress disorder is extensively described in the book The Things They Carried. It shows that PTSD is an injury that hasn’t changed in decades. The only thing that has changed is America’s knowledge of it. It has been called shell shock, battle fatigue, accident neurosis, PTSD, and even more recently it is known as “moral injury. ” Even though America cannot precisely pinpoint what causes this disorder, the doctors who treat veterans can narrow it down by using examples of previous patients, examples such as guilt and taking another man’s life.

Currently the system for treating veterans with PTSD is failing, and in some situations making patients worse, like supplying addicted veterans with drugs. Short amounts of therapy and large amounts of painkillers are not what they need. Veterans need time and support with years of talk therapy to work through the moral dimensions of PTSD. For veterans who have this disorder it is a scary and helpless situation. They deserve good quality medical care, but if America cannot find a way to better treat this dilemma then future veterans will be faced with the same trauma that previous veterans have faced for years.

The headlines of one of the leading newspapers often goes like, “A professor beaten to death by his own students”. Going through such headlines has become a routine affair for us. The country is plagued by many catastrophic, socio-economic issues like poverty, terrorism, illiteracy and corruption. The involvement of the youth in overcoming these problems is of great importance. The youth, in a rising nation like ours, plays a strong role in bringing reforms to restructure the nation. They protest and demand what is best for the nation.

However, lately, in order to earn quick bucks and the need to fulfil their dreams and desires at the earliest, young people have resorted to unlawful means to achieve them. Is the future of the nation becoming its own destructor? According to the National Crime Records Bureau, 44 per cent of the arrested criminals belong to the age group of 10 to 30 years, which is the ‘youth’ There is a section of the youth who have been achieving their goals through unlawful means. Crimes ranging from thefts to kidnapping, murders, rape and sex scandals involve such people. The crime rate has been drastically increasing.

Why has the youth of this nation become so pugnacious? Is it due to under-employment or the lack of law enforcement in the country? On one hand, we are fighting to reduce the minimum age of consumption of alcohol while on the other, we are consuming it, driving recklessly and killing people. We are raising our voices on women’s safety and we are the one raping them. Youngsters belonging to well-to-do families have also been caught in cases of hacking bank accounts. According to leading psychiatrists, the lack of adequate opportunities frustrates young people to an extent where they use any method possible to attain success.

Many also believe that youngsters who take the path of crime are the troubled ones. This could be true in some of the cases but people in their 20s, committing a murder over who should get a prantha first is something beyond imagination, as seen in an incident that occurred at midnight in a posh area of South Delhi. Such cases are endless. Many cases like sexual assaults and minor rapes go unreported and the youngsters feel free to commit the same again. Even the judicial system shows leniency towards the accused and no stern action is taken.

It is time for the country to revamp its judicial system and processes. Most of the accused are not afraid of being caught after committing the crime. The criminals know that their case will simply pile up with the rest of the cases and by the time the punishment is announced, they might not even exist. Further, the government should take appropriate measures to revive the economy so that employment opportunities are created, not just in metros but in rural areas as well. An alarming report on increasing suicides in India is calling for urgent intervention and rethinking of our system.

What’s wrong with Indians? Our country had shown the world the path to eternal happiness. And, now, Indians are an unhappy lot!… If you probe further deeper into reasons, you will see many cultural, genetic and religious factors Young people in India are committing suicide at a much higher rate than in the West, says The Lancet report, entitled Suicide Mortality in India released on June 23, June 2012. The first ever national survey of deaths in India found that some 56 percent of all women who took their own lives in 2010 and 40 percent of men were aged between 15 and 29.

The suicide rates are highest in the 15-29 age groups, peaking in southern states that are considered richer and more developed with better education, social welfare and health care. Opportunities that have come with two decades of economic boom and open markets have also brought more job anxiety, higher expectations and more pressure to achieve, mental health experts said. This is calling for urgent intervention and rethinking of our institution called India or Bharat. Added to it, many suicide cases still go unreported as people hide what is still an illegal act in India.

The higher rates may come from “the greater likelihood of disappointments when aspirations that define success and happiness are distorted or unmet by the reality faced by young people in a rapidly changing society,” said Dr. Vikram Patel, one of the report’s authors. He also noted online social networking was making “loneliness more common. ” He admits his conclusion is conjecture, but says “I cannot think of any more plausible explanation. ” People in his neighborhood remember Kunju Shivankutty as a likable youth.

But the 20-year-old, from Manjeri in North Kerala, was troubled deeply by having failed three times to pass the admissions testfor a government-run engineering college. On August 15th, 2011, coinciding with India’s Independence Day, Shivankutty wrote a letter to his parents. “I am sorry, Acchan-Amma (Dad-Mum), for not having been a good son. I could not fulfill your dreams for me. I let you down before the relatives. Shame is the only feeling I have at present and I can’t bear it any more. Please forget about me…” Then he hung himself.

His father Parameswaran, a transport companyemployee, had invested heavily in his son’s education, hoping the boy could lift the family’s circumstances by becoming a career engineer – a sure road to middle-class prosperity. Such familial pressure, however, can push a young person to the breaking point. “The case of failing one’s parents, or not succeeding in meeting targets set by the family, is one of the chief reasons for young Malayalis [a Kerala ethnic group] taking the extreme step “I was weak, I thought I could be strong but I was weak! I was so so weak, the fault is my own.

Hope something good happens with my death. I have left the building” These are not words from a Chetan Bhagat best seller though I wish they were. These were the last words of Nitin Kumar Reddy before he flung himself from his hostel roof at IIT Madras. As India celebrates year on year economic growth we have started putting a lot of pressure on our youth. In our rush to win we have crushed the hopes and aspirations of our youth. We have started a race to win at all costs. In 2009, almost 3000 children below the age of 14 committed suicide. If we look at the 15-25 age group the number jumps to 50,000.

But the scariest statistic is that for every successful suicide there are almost 14 unsuccessful attempts. Clearly the youth of our country are in distress. But the symptoms are there to see Toddlers are made to compete in talent shows.

• Teenagers are entering singing and dancing competitions
• High school students go through a grueling schedule to balance school curriculum with preparation for entrances to elite institutions like the IITs.

Who is responsible for this? Who killed Nitin? Some people might say it is the system that is responsible for this, but aren’t we responsible for creating this system.

We are forever drawing comparisons between our children and the others and this is just leading to a unsustainable situation. Is this what we have been reduced to? Is that what we want? To compete and win at all costs. A recent survey showed that almost 85% of parents in urban India do not allow children to take up professions of their choice. This is probably the greatest reason for stress among India’s youth, being stuck in professions that they don’t enjoy or are not suited for. Like I said we all know what the symptoms are, but the challenge is to treat the disease and not the symptom.

How can wechange the situation for our children and the youth of tomorrow? I propose these four steps.

1. Identify- The key is to listen, observe and identify activities that the kids enjoy and are attracted to. Which activity draws them more, what they enjoy doing?
2. Analyze- based on our observations, we need to map the activities and likes of the child to sustainable careers that that activity can sustain. If we are not experts in that field, there is a high possibility that there is someone in our network that will know someone. Also councilors both in school and outside can be used for the same.
3. Decide- Once the mapping has been done, we can decide on a few career choices of the child’s liking and also something where his passion lies.
4. Monitor- Once the decision has been made it is important to monitor the children. Often they grow and once they grow their preferences change, it is important to monitor those changes and incorporate that into their plan. People are usually very good at what they do, once they enjoy it. A good example is cricketer Sachin Tendulkar who enjoys cricket and has been the best for the last 20 years..

A few weeks ago, I got a text from my friend saying that a guy, who had been my classmateduring high school, had committed suicide. I seriously thought that this friend was playing a prank on me. Later I discovered the truth. He did commit suicide. I had always seen this guy to be one with great self-esteem and self-confidence. Then why out of nowhere should he take this decision. That was all people spoke for a couple of months. Everyone had only one question. The same question, to be exact. Why? Now thinking about this issue of suicide, I did a little research and the results I got were too shocking.

Statistics show that every five minutes, someone, somewhere in India, attempts suicide. This makes suicide the third major cause of death. Also, annually more than 1,00,000 people commit suicide in India, of which one-thirds are youth. Diverse backgrounds, diverse goals and diverse opinions! But same decision! Today, the youth in India form one of the most vulnerable groups, who on the one hand are expected to be the leaders, the backbone of tomorrow’s India, while on the other hand, are a browbeaten and baffled cluster.

There is an imbalance between the youth population and the limited opportunities for admission in schools and colleges, and specifically in professional courses. This puts the youth under great pressure. First class and second class are hardly adequate results anymore. Parents are helpless too, as both public and private institutions have caused economic burden to them. If you think getting admission is the toughest thing that youth can ever experience, rethink! Placements are another hell. You need to get everything right.

And even after getting placed, the comparison in relation to the pay received, causes all the more pain. A person with the pleasure of working but with limited salary is certainly not welcome in this society. People have come to a point where they are ready to trade their work pleasure for money. Tough deadlines and hectic work atmosphere have taken the lives of many youth. Friendships and relationships have also played equal parts in this gamble for life. Youth are too sensitive to sort any sort of relationship problem.

The problem may be anything; fight with best friends, bitter misunderstanding with girlfriend/ boyfriend followed by an even bitter break-up, family issues with parents fighting over their lives or over financial issues. But the youth are greatly affected. They bundle up all these grievances in their hearts and eventually give their hearts a complete rest so they will never have to face the same, again. I am blaming all. There are plenty of youth who have followed their heart to be what they wanted to be. But the fact that this suicide virus is taking away the lives of millions of youth is alarming.

Something has to be done to cripple it. In battle between the thirst to have their and the urge to fulfill the expectation of the society, many are shattered. While a very few regain their stand, the rest take the ultimate decision of ending their lives. When they have the guts to face the pain of ending their lives for one moment, why aren’t they having the same guts for a moment longer to face the battle? If a person is disturbed, all that has to be done is just talk. Words can do wonders, even help see beyond the mist. And you will never know what marvels are awaiting you!