Marriage

The words ‘damaged/fractured/punctured/ broken’ create images describing the ex-soldier physically but also referring to how these words could be used to describe the broken love. Therefore, it has been made clear that the love has become painful and traumatic as a consequence of war. Also, the metaphorical use Of ‘frozen river’ and ‘blown hinge’ reflects a war zone. The word ‘frozen’ could reflect how the relationship has become still and lifeless. The narrator states that his jaw is a ‘blown hinge’, suggesting that he is no longer open to her and unable to talk f his traumatic experiences.

The image of violence is also incorporated within ‘Quadric’ through a western theme showing the intensity of the relationship. ‘High noon’ and ‘calamity’ implant the image of a standoff in the wild west. This image of the standoff is inferred to be comparable to the relationship through the painful arguing that the once desire has turned into. Duffy references ‘hard liquor’ to suggest that the relationship is reckless and has turned into something that is unhealthy also that if love goes wrong it can bring difficulties along with it. Manhunt’ is made up of a series of couplets.

The form of the poem creates a sense of fragmentation and the stages of process and search that the narrator has been through in order to find and heal their love. The series of couplets can be seen as a ladder that she is trying to climb to retrieve love once more, like the image of the ‘broken ribs’. Also, the rhyme scheme is irregular suggesting how the strength of the relationship is constantly changing. There is a personal tone to this poem as much of the topics are personal and it is quite conversational, inferring the woman is liking to her husband but cannot get through due to his physical and mental damage.

Similarly, ‘Quadric’ is structured to reflect the love in the relationship. This poem forms a broken sonnet, showing the effects of the broken love. Duffy may have used enjambment between stanzas to capture the idea of relentless pain and that she does not want to finish the sentence and the relationship. The technique of enjambment has been used to separate ‘I’m all’ from ‘alone’ reflecting the isolation the women feels. Simon Remarriage incorporates many delicacy and care adjectives: ‘mind/hold/attend’.

Communication in Marriages The article by Schoenberg “Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in happy marriages” have some good points. Even though people are too busy to communicate and think things will be fine, communication is important in a marriage because not communicating in your marriage could lead to a divorce and could lead towards other marital problems. I can relate to this article on self-disclosure in my relationships. The social penetration theory “suggests that self-disclosure deepens, in stages, as relationships develop” (Sole, 2011, Chapter7 Summary, Key Terms).

I have to agree with this theory because as you get to know someone more you are able to disclose more about yourself, but you must feel close to that person and have trust before you can disclose certain information about yourself. In my past relationships due to trust issues, I have had a hard time disclosing personal information or letting people get close in my intimate relationships. I believe it has caused problems my marriage now is not my first and I know part of the reason my past marriages did not work was because of poor/lack of communication.

I would have to agree that self-disclosure is important and directly related to satisfaction in relationships because of my own experience. Experiencing something, first hand is the best way of knowing. In order for any relationship to progress and develop you, need to open up and communicate, “Research consistently has shown a link between happy marriages and “self-disclosure,” or sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your partner” (Schoenberg, 2011).

If you are self-disclosing and talking about more than just your day with your partner how can you not have a happy marriage you two are going to have some intimate connection. Keeping in mind that men and woman are different in how they communicate or even how they express their feelings. I do know there are similarities between men and women no matter what gender you are, you are going to want to feel loved and cared for. It is important to not just communicate but watch your partner and see how the need affirmation.

I usually try not to generalize things; I have been trying to teach myself with things it does not have to be all or nothing. With this research study, I would have to say I feel I fit into their category as a woman I do better with verbal affirmation. Although people are too busy to communicate and think things will be fine, communication is important in a marriage for two main reasons. First, not communicating in your marriage could lead to marital problems.

However, most importantly, not communicating in your marriage could lead to a divorce. Reference Schoenberg, N. (2011, February 6). Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages. Houston Chronicle. Retrieved from ProQuest Newsstand. Document ID: 2260839481 Sole, K. (2011). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. (https://content. ashford. edu)

Arranged Marriages Forced Although the modern social norms of western cultures expect marriage to be based on love and a strong bond between two people, this is not the basis for marriage in all cultures or societies. Although the greater parts of arranged marriages aren’t intended to be forced, the couples are given the chance to oppose their chosen partners if they don’t feel that the marriage would be a success. In other cases, the couples have no choice; it’s a sign of disrespect to refuse.

Many people have a major misunderstanding of the arranged marriage. Many cultures world-wide have believed in the tradition of arranged marriages for many Centuries and some still practice it today. The best way to understand the reasoning behind such cultures is to put aside your own beliefs, opinions, and preconceived ideas in order to see more clearly before dismissing it has wrong. One of the most difficult changes to make in a marriage is the acceptance of your partners’ beliefs and or values compared to what you believe.

And yet, in arranged marriages it’s assumed that the couple is perfectly matched, as the families of their son or daughter will choose prospective partners from the same culture, religion, and social class. The similar back ground can ease the process of good communication as well as reduce conflict in any and all decisions such as how the children should be raised. In many cultures the spouse will sometimes live with or in the same neighborhood of their partners’ family.

In difficult times, this could mean that they have a strong social network on hand to provide support. In other cases, the interference from the family members or other people within the neighborhood may seem like they are interfering. On the other hand, when there are problems that need solved, having a person nearby to act as a mediator or counselor is beneficial. Contrary to the “old “ arranged marriage, in which children are forbidden from choosing their own partners, the modern arranged marriage is not about being forced into federation.

It’s about relying on their match making mastery of Mom and Dad (Holly McKay 2007). One of major criticism made of arranged marriages is that love takes a back seat and that the emphasis is rather a social standing and cultural back ground. These cultures tend to value the social and economic possibility of the marriage over the strength of emotion between the couple. It’s important to understand both the distinctions between arranged and forced marriage and the fact that they sometimes overlap.

While arranged marriages have brought happiness and stability to couples and communities, forced marriages are by nature exploitative and unequal (Amanda Kloer, 2009). They key factor present in an arranged marriage is the consent of both people getting married to be matched and married through a third party arrangement. (Amanda Kloer, 2009) Forced marriages are arranged, but without the consent of both parties –specifically, usually without the woman’s consent (Amanda Kloer, 2009).

It is often easy to dismiss concepts that we are not familiar with or that we do not understand, yet, by taking an open-minded approach, it’s usually apparent that any marriage contains just as many advantages as disadvantages ? Reference list McKay, Holly (June 29, 2009) Because mom said so: Are Arranged Marriages the next big Trend? http://foxnews. com/0,3566,287211,00. html retrieved April 11, 2010. Kloer, Amanda (September 8, 2009) Arranged Marriage vs. Forced Marriage. http://humantrafficking. change. org/blog/view/arranged_marriage_vs_forced_marriage Retrieved April 11, 2010.

1. Increases in wives” income over time will contribute to increases in marital discord. (Expect strong effect on husbands” report of marital discord.)

2. Increase in wives” income over time will contribute to decreases in marital discord. (Expect husbands and wives to be about the same.)

3. Increases in perceived marital discord over time will contribute to increases in wives income. (Expect marital discord on wives” income stronger for wives than husbands.)

Used data from Marital Instability Over the Life Course Study (1991). This was a 4-wave panel study that began in 1980 with random telephone interviews of 2,034 married individuals (not couples), younger than 55 using the clustered random-digit dialing procedure. Of the people called, 65 % completed the survey, 18% refused, and 17% were unreachable after 10 or more callbacks.

Respondents were similar to national population of married individuals on age, race, region, household size, presence of children, and home ownership.

Attempts to reinterview the same respondents took place in 1983, 1988, and 1992. Successful reinterviews were 78%, 66%, and 58% respectively. A decision was made to use date from 1980-1988 as these years showed the most dramatic change in married women”s employment and earnings. Also, the results of the 1992 interview had slight underreporting of younger, renter, African-American or Hipic, and those without a college education in 1980.

Respondents consisted of a total of 455 women and 316 men who were in a stable marriage from 1980-1988; a first marriage for both spouses. The study was restricted to continuous first marriages because previous evidence suggested relationships between income and marital quality differs depending on marriage order. Remarried families have lower incomes, fewer assets on average. Remarried women are more likely to be employed 40 hours or more per week than continuously married women.

Marital discord was measured in three areas: marital instability (12 item scale that taps propensity to divorce), relationship problems (14 problems like easily angered, jealous, moody, not home enough), and marital conflict (assessed the amount and severity of conflict between spouses).

Structural equation modeling was used. This allowed the investigation of the directional relationship and testing of the relative strength of each. Study took into account husbands” unemployment and the birth of a child.

The model used to test 4 demographic characteristics: children, race, age, yrs of education. They didn”t affect the model substantially or alter conclusions.

The average respondent had 14 years of education, was 35 years old, 92% were white, 41% were male.

Data does not support either hypothesis 1 or 2. Data does support #3.

Wives increased their income over a period of 8 years due to their own perceptions of increased marital discord. Husbands” perception of marital discord didn”t have an effect on wives” income.

In 1980 54% wives employed, 96% of husbands. Income of wife is $7277 vs. $40559 for a family. In 1988 69% wives employed, and 94% of husbands. Income for a wife, $9495; and for a family, $42,420. ($ figure is adjusted to reflect 1988 constant dollars.) By 1988, 20% more wives entered the workforce and 10% dropped out. 24% of the husbands experienced some unemployment and 24% had experienced a birth of a child. Earnings gender gap went from 60% to 71%. By the end, women were contributing 30-40% toward the family income.

Increases in wives” income do not significantly affect either spouse”s perception of marital discord. Instead increases in marital discord contribute significantly to increases in wives” income by increasing the likelihood that non-employed wives will enter the workforce. It isn”t clear if wives enter the labor force to prepare for divorce or to improve their own lives and perhaps their marriages by seeking additional personal challenges.

More women responded than men. Also, if couples would have been interviewed so a clearer picture between spouses response could have been analyzed (couple-level data). Also gender role attitudes of spouses were not included. The role of social class was not taken into consideration.

Another item is that the study began 19 years ago, concluding 11 years ago. This country has experienced a bull market and a low unemployment rate.

Nu Shu, also known as the women’s writing of China, was a major part of Chinese women’s lives throughout the 20th century. Unlike any other writing, it is the only known hidden written language. Women used Nu Shu as a way to escape from the oppressive outside world and enter into a peaceful state of mind. Life was hard enough for women; it’s scary to think how hard Nu Shu was probably the most commonly valued thing for women in China during this time period. It was valued so much because it was used to share women’s miseries. China was ruled by men, and women were nothing more than ousewives and sometime field workers.

What made it so special was that only women knew about it. It was a written language expressed by songs and stories. Any other language besides Chinese was forbidden by Emperors. Women couldn’t use any form of education, so it had to be formed in secret. Having been something only women knew, it was an easy way for them to express their hardships and sufferings. Every woman at that time was going through the same thing, so it was seen as the easiest way for women to let out their feelings. Males dominated society completely, and Nu Shu was the nly true form of power that women had.

If it had been leaked to the public, not only would it have been banned, but many women would have been sent to jail and killed if found using it. Women were beaten and abused to the point where a good day in marriage was a day you cried. Marriages were always arranged, and many women didn’t even have feelings towards their husbands. They had to put up with the abuse and couldn’t complain. At any point in time, a man could tell his wife what to do and when to do it. Women had no say in the government, their marriage, and in everyday society.

The only time they could speak freely was when writing in Nu Shu. Their only audience willing to listen was other women, and Nu Shu was the only way to get in touch with other women without anyone finding out. Whether or not Nu Shu was good or bad is often debated. I happen to think it was good for many reasons. Women weren’t educated in any way. Nu Shu was the closest thing they had to education. With education comes power, and that was exactly what women needed. In a time when men ruled society, power is everything. While it wasn’t power that everyone recognized, it helped women have better mindsets.

In a way, it was creating a more equal society for these women. Equal was definitely something the Chinese culture wasn’t centered around, but it was something all women strived for one day. It was often believed that Nu Shu taught women to accept their suffering, but I actually think it was the opposite. No women would ever accept that feet binding were okay, or that the beatings from their husbands should be allowed. Instead, they learned how to cope with these struggles. Knowing how to handle yourself in bad times is a very good quality to have.

When thrown a curveball in life, instead of sulking about t, the better thing to do is to take a step back and learn how to deal with it. I think that is something people in Western society do well and in the long run made the Chinese women stronger. Unfortunately, the last living person proficient in Nu Shu died several years ago. I think it’s a shame that Nu Shu is closer to being extinct. While the actual writing itself may have no significance to anyone in today’s world, I think a great lesson can be learned from it. It’s fascinating how long women were successful in keeping it a secret, and overall made the Chinese women stronger people.

Family and personal assets affect the choices we make in picking the right mate in Western Culture. The ways we view these issues influences are dating practices, and marriage choices. Evolutionary theory predicts certain mannerisms that should influence dating. Most of the time evolutionary theory is reflected in mating practices. Mating choices are also affected cross-culturally in other ways like with the Kipsigis and bridewealth. Choices we make for dating and marriage prospects rate differently according to sex and culture.

The evolutionary theory predicts that women will value financial prospects higher than men do . Because women have a larger parental investment in a child, they want to be with a mate who will be able to take care of them. In David Buss’ research he found that knowing a persons culture rather than gender will indicate preferences except for good financial prospects. For men in Western Culture good financial prospects are lower on their list and good looks is higher.

This may be because women who are more attractive to them give the signal that they are less likely to have diseases, and possible based on their body type may be more fertile. Men and women also differ in the preference for the age of their partners. Men tend to date younger women while women date older men. This relates to the evolutionary theory because men’s fertility only slightly decreases with age, while women fertility ends as they reach menopause. It would make sense in evolutionary terms for men to choose women who have the ability to have children and are therefore younger.

In actual practice men do choose women that are younger but not all of them are able to have children. “Older men may desire younger women, but they may also want to find someone who shares their tastes in music, has similar goals in life, and so on”. They may also settle with knowing that they may only be able to date women who are closer to their own age. In Kipsigis culture bridewealth is practiced. Bridewealth is payment giving to the father of the bride from the groom’s father. The payment, tendered in livestock and cash, compensates the bride’s family for the loss of her labor and gives the groom rights to her labor and the children she bears during her marriages”. It is almost like an investment. The more a woman is “worth” the higher the bridewealth. A woman is also expected to return to her family during the harvest and a higher bridewealth may be paid if the families are too far apart. Higher bridewealth is also paid for women who have had their first menstruation. This also fits in with evolutionary theory that women have a set timeline for having children.

As a woman is younger they may be fit to have more children. A plumper woman will fetch a higher bridewealth as well. Thinness in animals reflects less of ability for children and these views are reflected in the Kipsigis people when they choose women who have more body. In Western culture bridewealth is not common. Typically the bride’s family is expected to pay for much of the wedding reflecting more of a dowry. In both cultures typically the more desirable the woman’s assets are, the better choices of bridewealth or financial prospects. Mating choices and preferences can very from culture to culture.

There is one thing that all cultures have in common which is that females prefer a partner with better financial ability. Evolutionary theory favors mating choices that will produce the most amount of fertility. For the Kipsigis this is seen in the healthier plump women and young women who have the ability to have more children. In Western society men rate attractiveness higher than women and often choose younger women as well even if it doesn’t increase fertility. Our mating choices are based on our gender and culture.

References

1. Boyd, Robert, & Silk, Joan B. (2006). How Humans Evolved (4th ed. ). New York: W W Norton & Company.

The perceived views of men s and women s sexuality have been the subject of great speculation and conflict. Although great strides have been made over the years in the sexual “revolution”, the basic views of male and female sexuality have remained the same. Throughout history the ideas of proper sexuality for men and women have changed little. Men have always been portrayed as the aggressive pursuer of a woman’s sexual favors.

Women, in turn, have been required by society to diligently preserve their honor outside of the marital bed. Andrew Marvell’s “To His Coy Mistress” offers a good example of the game-like behavior that has become almost expected of a man and woman in society. The narrator beseeches his Lady to “sport us while we may like amorous birds of prey”. The Lady on the other hand, flirts casually and spurns the narrator’s advances. Women are praised highly for their virtue and honor in keeping their virginity for the institution of marriage.

Even though it is perfectly acceptable for a man to attempt for and even acquire the sexual favors of a woman it is a social sin and in some areas a crime for a woman to succumb to her sexual desires outside of marriage. In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter”, Hester Prynne is ostracized by her community for having an extra-marital affair. Her punishment condemns her for her adultery and assures her a lifetime of humiliation. Many societies have gone through great lengths over the centuries to ensure fidelity or virginity in women.

In the Middle Ages, women were often forced to wear chastity belts to ensure their virtue was kept intact while men were away at war or some other manly undertaking. In some countries, women are forced to cover every inch of their bodies in an effort to avoid the advances of other men. The narrator in Amy Lowells Patterns speaks of her passion that wars against the stiff brocade of her dress, the very heavy and unrevealing style of the era in which the poem is set.

She laments the death of her betrothed as they were to be wed in a month and, as she felt bound by the dress, he was to have freed her from it. This poem also illustrates how the narrator, as many women in the past, did not consider it proper to succumb to her passions before marriage. Men on the other hand have often been revered for their sexual prowess. Kings often kept concubines, or mistresses. In some countries, it is acceptable for a man to have many wives. Sexual conquest has become almost a gauge by which manhood is tested.

Men are often bombarded by peer pressure to become sexually active at an early age. Seen as a rite of passage by many men, they begin their pursuit of women before they are even capable of reproduction. In Stevie Smith s The Frog Prince, the narrator speaks of his being happy the way he is but he feels that it is required of him to have a girl. Changing times have allowed people to become a little more open in expressing their sexuality. However, more often than not, most men and women tend to conform themselves to expectations that remain the same even in today s society.