Marriage

Iroquois Clan ANT 101 December 5, 2011 There are many different cultures, each having their own values, and rules. The Iroquois are an association of several tribes, of indigenous people of North America. The Iroquois have many different ways about their way of living such as rules involving marriage. What contributes to the way an Iroquois react and think? Is it kinship, religion, and beliefs, or is it something else? The Iroquois have a very well-known culture. Iroquois are indigenous tribes across North America.

The Iroquois lived in longhouse, which are structures made to house the whole family in different sections (Nowak & Laird, 2010). Matrilocal, or post marital residency, was when the husband moved to live with the wife’s community (Nowak & Laird, 2010). In the Iroquois the eldest woman in her matrilineage had the most influence in decision making, and distributing the resources and property (Nowak & Laird, 2010). Iroquois selection of marital partners are chosen by kinship because, Iroquois marriage must be exogamous, meaning marring outside their lineage and clan (Nowak & Laird, 2010).

Iroquois kinship program only recognizes two groups: The first is parents and siblings, which are too closely related to marry. The second group is potential spouses and in-laws (Nowak & Laird, 2010). In the Iroquois it is considered wrong to marry parallel cousins because they are too closely related. On the other hand cross cousin marriage is accepted and encouraged (Nowak & Laird, 2010). The Handsome lake religion combined traditional Haudenosaunee religious beliefs with a revised code meant to bring consciousness to the Haudenosaunee, or Iroquois, after a long period of cultural disintegration ollowing colonization. The Iroquois people believed that spirits changed the seasons. Key festivals coincided with the major events of the agricultural calendar, including a harvest festival of thanksgiving. After the arrival of the Europeans, many Iroquois became Christians. The Code of handsome lake outlawed drunkenness, witchcraft, sexual promiscuity, wife beating, quarreling, abortion, gay marriage, single parents and gambling. The Iroquois men were propositional on a balanced reciprocity.

Iroquois could only trade with other tribes in the Iroquois confederacy. Items traded included surplus corn and tobacco, fur pelts, and wampum. Later, Iroquois received implements including guns and metal axes from the British, which made their work easier (Nowak & Laird, 2010). Their culture is matriarchal- they trace lines through Clan Mothers. This is in direct contrast to European society, especially at time of contact. Europeans were paternalistic- the fathers line. This would cause different reactions from other kinships.

The Iroquois people have a lot of the same values, beliefs, and rules, as many Americans living in the current century. In my culture, it is not acceptable to marry close relatives including first cousins. The handsome lake religion is very much similar to the Christian religion. Kinship impacts almost each and every one of these behaviors. Iroquois have a very understandable and compatible way of living. But what makes them think and act the way that they do? I would have to say that the religion is a main point in the actions and reactions of the Iroquois.

The other major point would be the matriarchal tracing of the clans. Nowak, B. & Laird, P. (2010) Cultural Anthropology. San Diego, CA Bridgepoint Education Inc. Retrieved from: https://content. ashford. edu/books/AUANT101. 10. 2/sections/copyright Your paper is well developed and follows the APA guidelines correctly. Your paper is well written with an effective analysis. You have addressed the topic and assignment. Your grammar is correct with well-constructed sentences. Your conclusion could be improved. Good job! You received 9/10 points for this assignment.

“Social Construction of Reality” Reality is not an objective thing that is imposed upon us, but is created by us. Reality does not exist externally but internally, as each individual or group interprets it, and is always changing. Due to these concepts sociologists often speak about the “social construction of reality” which is essential to understand when attempting to explain human social behavior. Since realty is the basis of people’s actions, W. I. Thomas states, “If people define situations as real, they are real in their consequences”.

The “social construction of reality”, human social behavior and W. I. Thomas’s statement are three concepts that fit hand in hand and are important when trying to explain one another. Sociologists speak about the “social construction of reality” as a way to describe the significance of how society shapes our definition of reality. People coming together to build reality and define something as real because we define it as real. As sociologists explain the social construction of reality they have observed that each society or the social groups that each person belongs to forms ones particular views on life.

Our “social construction of reality” constructs our views of how we see the world around us therefore affecting how we see reality and why we do the things we do. People construct reality using the five senses: sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste. For example, when taking a table into consideration, one does not react to the concrete object but the meaning we give it. If this same table were to fall out of the sky, land in a jungle and tribe people were to stumble across it they most likely would not use it in the same context but maybe as a bed or a sacrificial altar.

The “social construction of reality” not only applies to inanimate objects but to relationships and the basis of how someone treats someone else, such as symbolic interactionism (Essentials of Sociology, pg. 15). Symbolic interactionism such as we attach meaning to things and this is how everyone understands similar views in the world and how we communicate with one another. This is evident when one dissects the idea of the enslavement of Africans, known as the “white mans burden”. Whites defined blacks as less than human, savages or creatures that could not survive off of their own minimal cognitive reasoning.

This understanding was the basis of slavery. Another example is the idea of marriage and divorce, and how the institution is ever changing. Up until the early 1900’s marriage was viewed as a lifelong commitment, divorce was “taboo” and shunned as being immoral and the abandonment of adult responsibility. In 1945 sociologists Ernest Burgess and Harvey Locke noted that couples were looking at marriage as less of a lifelong commitment and more of an arrangement that was based on attraction and feelings, it became a situation that could be broken when feelings changed.

Divorce became more common and was defined more positive as freedom and new beginnings (Essentials of Sociology, pg. 16). An example of another “reality” is how from person to person there is no true definition of success. The letter grade “B” brings on different emotions depending on the individual. One student would jump for joy to pass with the “B” while others would be sad, even cry. In actuality “B” is just a shape, a letter of the English alphabet, given on paper but what the person defines it as gives it meaning to their reality, and then forget about the “+” or “-“ given accompanied with the letter grade.

Our social construction of reality defines our behavior and how we respond to the meaning that we give these situations or objects. Human social behavior is what is based off of once a reality is socially constructed. This is why it is so important to first understand the concept of the “social construction of reality” before trying to explain why people act the way they do. Because this object with four legs attached to a flat surface is defined as a “table” one uses it to eat on or sit at and not other things such as sleep on.

If an individual were to use it as something else they would be looked at as being weird because they are not doing what is socially accepted or viewed as “breaking the rules”. The concept of ethnocentrism is where a group of people tries to change another group of people to make them like them so they can “save” them for their own good. This is done because according to their social construction of reality however the opposing group behaves is “wrong”. This can be seen throughout history for example the crusades, as stated before the “white mans burden” in Africa, and the war in Iraq.

During the days of slavery, treating a black individual maliciously was socially accepted because of the way reality was constructed. The changing attitudes toward marriage and divorce are evident when one looks at the trends. Marriage is not viewed the same as it was 100 years ago; it is not necessary to be married forming a family by age 15. This concept of social construction of reality also explains why patterns form and how people can develop similar behavior without having to know each other.

On the streets of New York good sidewalk etiquette is defined as passing another person on the right, walking far enough not to brush the other person ,if one can help it, and ensuring not to look at the person when walking by. However, when any of these rules are broken it makes the other individual uneasy or even angry. But these unwritten rules aren’t necessarily the same in different parts of the world, for example in London it is socially correct that if you are walking towards and passing someone else that you part ways on the left side.

Other areas where unwritten rules exist are in elevators, such as where and how to stand, and also seen in face-to-face conversations, such as eye contact and distance something known as “personal space”. Ones views for what is right from wrong also comes from the foundation on what one defines as real. W. I. Thomas’s quote, “If men define a situation as real, its real in its consequences” correlates directly to the idea that human social behavior is based off of the “social construction of reality”.

Thomas is analyzing that reality is a social product that is construed by whatever we define as real. Humans do what they do and react solely by the meaning we give things and not the things in and of itself. This is why money, gold and diamonds are “valuable”. Money is simply made of paper but because it is defined as currency we make it out to be very valuable. To better understand this notion one can take note of our system of crime and punishment, which is based off of W. I. Thomas’s thoughts.

When the jury makes a decision, they are deciding on what they perceive as reality. They do not know exactly what happened but from witnesses and evidence they make this judgment. W. I. Thomas’s idea is significant in the study of human social behavior because it further proves that human actions are based off of the reality that something is true. This is why what is defined as “normal” varies from culture to culture and the decided meaning to an object or action is arbitrary. The “social construction of reality”, human social behavior and W.

I. Thomas’s quote, “If men define a situation as real, it is real in its consequences” are concepts that compliment one another. To be able to understand fully, one must be able to comprehend all concepts. When sociologists speak about the “social construction of reality” through the groups that we belong to we learn ways of looking at whatever happens to us and what we see because through social interaction is how we construct reality and from that point on is how we behave and respond.

It’s not a question of which came first the chicken or the egg, because in the eyes of sociologists human social behavior is caused by the “social construction or reality” and W. I. Thomas’s statement is an abridgment of these concepts explaining men’s definitions of situations given the meaning of what is what or who is who. It doesn’t matter what is real or not, what does exist or not exist, because we give meaning or “consequences” to this reality that has been portrayed and instilled in our minds. References Henslin, J. M. 2011. Essentials of Sociology: A Down-to-Earth Approach-9th edition. Pearson.

University I stared Into his uncontrolled, demonic eyes Just Inches from mine as I watched his body tremble and quake with wrath. It was an unbridled anger I had encountered many times before. I listened as the sharp words escaped his mouth, piercing me like daggers. Not knowing if any hasty movement would have dire repercussions, I stood frozen, heart racing, undecided of my next move. Helplessness filled my soul.

I’d felt stuck for nearly 15 years now, married to this ticking time-bomb of a man, walking on eggshells dally, never knowing what was going to send him Into fit of rage. Why did I continue to stay? For the children. I had always been told that divorce was bad for children. I was afraid I would make a decision that would negatively affect them for the rest of their lives. But, in this moment I realized the abusive situation we all were living in was far worse than the possible negative effects of divorce. We had to find a way out.

This scenario, drawn from my own personal experience, Is not as uncommon as one might think. People continue on In toxic or abusive marriages with the misconception that staying married will be best or their children. From my perspective as a single mother of 3 children who was in an emotionally abusive marriage, I have personally witnessed the positive effects that divorce can have on children. Especially, when there are cases of abuse both physical and emotional, or extreme contention within the home, divorce can have a positive effect on the children Involved.

While I am only a witness to my own personal experience there has been significant research done on the topic of divorce and the effects, both positive and negative, It has on children. I will draw on the expertise of Jolliet (201 1), Clark (201 3), Amatol (2010), Coleman, Glenn (2010) as well as others, and their extensive research about the effects of divorce on children. Divorce has had a bad stigma throughout the ages because of the effects it was thought to have on children. It’s often been heard, “We stayed together for the children. As divorce rates have increased, and no fault divorces have been Implemented, the perceived damage of divorce on children has started to recede. Particularly, under certain circumstances where there is much discord or abuse, divorce has proven to e beneficial for children. A divorce can end the modeling of a bad relationship, create happier parents, and a healthier environment for everyone, including the children. Historically, divorce has been viewed as a negative marital option and in fact, up until the sass’s divorce was fault based.

In other words, legally to get a divorce one spouse had to prove the other spouse executed a marital offense. This looked at as outcasts from a “broken-home,” Olive, 2011). Research ensued to back up these negative conceptions of divorce on children. The problem was, much of the search failed to take into consideration the effects of the pre-divorce environment . Figure 1: Shows the long-term divorce rates from 1940 – 2012. It shows the dramatic increase in divorce rates when the no-fault divorce was written into law. Source: Divorce recession drop rebound, with the 2012 rate (2014).

Over time, as shown in the chart above, the no fault divorce was legislated into law, and helped to eradicate this stigma Olive, 2011). Divorce rates did rise dramatically until the early ass’s, and have since populated, or even declined slightly. With this increase, people began to be ore accepting of divorce. Recent studies are revealing that divorce can have a positive effect on children. Much of the result has to do with how the parents handle the divorce with their children,; therefore, the positive effects are not Just limited to cases of abuse. As a result (of dispelling the negative divorce connotations), instead of divorce being taboo and frowned upon, people now view divorce as a second chance to be happy. Instead of being considered lost causes, children of divorce can now be seen as resilient and able to cope,” said Jolliet, a partner at Randall & Sonnies, and family divorce attorney. With the “stay together for the sake of the children” mantra so ingrained into the ideals of society, the effects of these misconceptions of divorce still deter many from getting a divorce.

So much historical research was done showing how children suffered from divorce either academically, or emotionally, and society for years has accepted this thought process. Unfortunately, this causes people to stay in abusive marriages, or marriages with extreme discord, far longer than they should, not realizing that they may actually be hurting their children far more than helping them. Brenda Clark, a child psychologist ND member of the Canadian Pediatric Society said, “If there is a high level of conflict, children appear to be better off if the marriage ends and separation occurs. Research now shows that children who were exposed to marital conflict prior to the divorce, even in utter, were more likely to develop problems, emotionally and behaviorally (Coleman, & Glenn, 2010). There are abundant holes in past research that pointed at divorce as negatively effecting affecting children’s well-being, and pre- divorce environments were not taken into consideration when making these assessments. Jolliet (2011) quotes sociologist Dry.

Lisa Stretching as saying, “Perhaps we should pay more attention to what happens to kids in the period leading up to parental divorce rather than directing all our efforts to helping children after the event occurs. ” Children in highly dysfunctional families actually show a drop in the level of anti-social behavior they exhibit after a parental divorce Olive, 2011). Many children, especially in cases of abuse and domestic violence, report feeling a sense of relief after the divorce (Clark, 2013). There are many positives that can come from a divorce for children.

Divorce can end the modeling of a bad relationship. When children are constantly surrounded by unhappy parents who are always quarrelling they begin to believe this type of behavior is what a relationship is be argumentative as well in their personal relationships with others, both in and outside of the home. I saw this happen with my own children. Their father was an argumentative person, not Just with me, but also with them. The rockier and more argumentative my relationship got with him, the more they fought with one another, and others around them.

My relationship with their father deteriorated to the point that the bickering between my children became almost incessant. They could not be around each other without fighting. When we were finally able to separate ourselves from their father, the level of fighting dropped significantly, almost immediately. So much so in fact, that other extended family members around us remarked about how different their behavior became after getting out of that toxic situation. My children have each individually told me how much more relaxed they feel, and how happy they are to be out of that situation.

When parents are able to end a bad relationship, and turn their interaction into more positive ones, they are able to monster what a healthy relationship looks like to their children Jacob, 2014). Another interesting concept to explore is parents who are able to get out of a bad relationship and find happiness, often have better interactions with one another, and this attitude spills over to the children Jacob, 2014). Attorney Steven R. Jacob states, “Although splitting up with your spouse is a traumatic experience, it’s important to focus on the best interest of the children involved.

Their happiness can best be attained by both parents seeking their own individual happiness. This holds true whether that they be together or apart. I have seen first-hand how my own post- divorce happiness has had a great impact on my children. They have all said to me how much happier they are now. For example, the first Christmas after we left, my then 13 year old son, came up to me and told me it was the best vacation break he had ever had. We didn’t go anywhere, or do anything extravagant, but he told me how nice it was to feel calm and happy without his father around.

Divorce can be what is best to create a positive environment in which to raise children. Divorce can ease the tension in a home, and relieve the household of unnecessary stresses that effect children Jacob, 2014). My children tell me all the time how nice it is to feel relaxed now. Alleviating the stress of not knowing what their father might do to them has allowed them to relax and come into their own. Having the ability to be relaxed has not only affected their behavior at home, it has positively affected their schoolwork, and all three are flourishing.

Not all marriages that end in divorce are a result of abuse, or high levels of discord. In fact, research shows that there’s a sizable amount number that can be categorized as “good enough marriages” without much marital discord at all (Kim 2011). How parents handle divorce with regard to their children is especially important in these cases. If a child has been exposed to little, if any, marital conflict, parental separation can come as a shock, and when this occurs children appear to be worse off than before the separation (Clark 2013).

Oftentimes, children do experience a disruption to their well-being and have feelings of immediate distress during a parental divorce, but most reports show that after the dust settles from the divorce the majority of children settle into a normal development (Coleman & Glenn, 2010). Parents can avoid the negative effects of ivories on their children by learning how to co-parent in a positive way. “Research with effective discipline and limit-setting, is a powerful protective and resilience- promoting factor for children experiencing parental separation or divorce. (Clark, 2013, 2013). When parents put their differences aside and focus on the child’s well- being, they are increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes on their children’s well- being. Parents can also minimize or eliminate the effects of divorce by working on their interpersonal communication skills with one another, strengthening parent- hill relationships, mainlining minimizing limiting the the routine changes in routine for the children, and creating an open environment in which children can discuss their feelings Olive 2011).

Going through a divorce is a difficult and emotional battle, and no divorce can really be categorized as a good divorce. “Today research has shown that one of the most important things divorcing parents can do is to educate themselves and understand how their actions along with the animosity they exhibit toward each other impacts their children in negative and destructive ways” Olive 2011).

If parents show hostility toward their ex-spouse, talk poorly about them in front of the children, argue and continue to have extreme conflict during and after the divorce process, they are going to have a negative impact on their children’s emotional well-being. Research has shown that ongoing inter- parental conflict is one of the most damaging aspects of divorce (Clark 2013). If parents can get along and work together the impact on their children can be positive. It’s important for parents to put aside their negative feelings toward one another, and put the needs of their children’s first.

One effective way to do this is to develop a business-like approach to interacting with one another. Respecting one another, setting clear boundaries, and laying out ground rules for their interactions with regards to the children will all help parents to positively impact their children’s well- being (Clark, 2013). Another way to create a positive impact on a child’s well-being in association with divorce is to increase and nurture the parent-child relationship. Director of the Center for Family in Transition at Cortex Madder, California, Dry.

Judith Wallflowers, said “what makes a difference to a child of divorce is a much more butte, much more elusive issue of how that child perceives whether he is accepted or reject by his parents” Olive, 2011). When a child is able to feel that their relationship with their parents stays intact, despite the divorce, they continue to feel loved, respected, and maintain a positive self-image. When parents share custody of their children, they each have individual time with them, giving them the opportunity to engage in more effective parenting during their time with the child.

Parents who choose to utilize this time to strengthen their relationship with their children, and vive them undivided attention will allow their children to experience the full parenting of both parents Jacob 2014). Research has shown that good, effective parenting can quite possibly be the most important factor in determining a child’s well-being after divorce (Coleman 2010). “In one long-term study, a good relationship with the custodial parent predicted fewer child behavior problems, better communication skills, better grades and higher ratings of adjustment (Clark 2013).

The parent-child relationship seems to affect a child so much that psychologists now UT more importance on the family relationship rather than the family structure in terms of the impact it has on a child’s well-being Olive 2011). “Parent-child skills, positive communication, and low levels of conflict and negativity are consistently associated with fewer negative outcomes related to mental health and with more positive outcomes related to social adaptation following a separation or divorce” (Clark 2013). When the routine off child is constantly disrupted, they have a difficult time feeling settled and grounded.

When divorce transpires, inevitably disruption occurs in a child’s day-to-day life. Divorce is often surrounded by stress, confusion, conflict, and disorientation (Clark 2013). If parents can work together to minimize these stresses, and their impact on their children, the children will be able to navigate through the divorce much easier. For a period of time, it was thought that equal Joint-custody (spending equal days in the month with each parent) was what was best for children, but research now shows that this causes too much disruption for the children, and negatively affected affects their emotional well-being.

In fact, one Norwegian study showed that the closer in proximity a non-resident father lived o his children, the worse off they were in terms of educational attainment. It was theorized that this was due to the child having to split time between the two households, causing too much disruption to the needed stability in the child’s life. The study showed that if a father relocated, it sheltered the child not only from parental post-divorce conflict, but also created a more stable home environment (Kali 2011).

Now, this does not mean that all fathers should stay away from their children in an effort to keep the disruption to their lives at bay. Simply, it means that ireful consideration should be made, and reflection on the children’s needs when determining the best way to create a stable environment for the children. Children adjust best to their post-divorce environments if there is as little disruption as possible to their schedules, activities, and social lives. The final parental consideration for positively affecting children of divorce is to create an open line of communication between parents and children.

When a child feels comfortable talking about their frustrations, fears, or emotions about the divorce, they are able to maintain a normal sense of well-being Olive, 2011). While parents are in the divorce stage, children are more likely to feel loneliness, anxiety, sadness, and as a result lower self-esteem (Kim, 2011). If these children feel that it is safe for them to speak with their parents about these feelings, they can work together to get through them, and minimize their effects.

It is imperative that parents communicate well and frequently with their children, and openly discuss their love and devotion to the child. It is important that children learn to understand it is normal to have a myriad of feelings about their own experience with the divorce. Learning to cope with these feelings can be a challenge for both the parent and the child (Clark 2013). There are many group support programs that have shown to be effective in helping both parents and children through the emotions of divorce. Group support helps reduce children’s sense of isolation, clarifies misconceptions, and teaches how to problem- solve and communicate more effectively with parents” (Clark, 2013). Divorce should not be taken lightly, and while it can have negative effects on children, it certainly doesn’t have to be that way. There are some cases, especially when abuse or mommies violence are is involved, when divorce is the best solution to an undesirable situation. It can redirect a child from a negative to a positive path of mental well- the parents are divorced.

Getting children out of these situations actually drastically increases their ability to attain positive mental and physical well-being. In non- abusive, but highly dysfunctional marriages, parents have the ability to change their negative behavior towards each other during, and after the divorce, alleviating the stress of divorce on the children. When parents can create a better emotional environment for children after divorce, much of the negative effects of divorce dissipate, and the children can recover and go on to be normal, healthy adults.

If you would like to learn mortem find out more about the effects of divorce on children, or if you have questions about my own personal experiences being in an emotionally abusive marriage, and being able to get out, email me at Jenncersey@gmail. Com. No abusive relationship is worth staying in for the sake of the children. If you find yourself in this situation, have the courage to get out. You will be better off for it, and our children will thank you for being strong enough to get them out of a terrible environment. As shown that the quality of parenting, as defined by warmth and nurture along 2013) When parents put their differences aside and focus on the child’s well-being they are increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes on their children’s well-being. “The quality of parent-child relationships is an important protective factor that predicts the long-term impact of separation and divorce on children. ” (Clark, 2014) Also, if parents focus on their relationship with the child, putting the well-being of the child first, the child will feel accepted.

Sociology – Using material item B and elsewhere, assess the view that roles and relationships among couples are becoming more equal. To assess equality between couple’s roles within a family over time we must comprehend power distribution and human psychology that exists within a couple’s relationship. We must do this in order to understand why each role has been distributed between the two partners the male and the female.

And henceforth between comparison of older studies and newer studies we can derive a pattern of progression or regression in the equality among couples. One of the roles that have been distributed between couples is household chores. Ann Oakley, a feminist (1975) came to the understanding that the housewife, a socialised role, was created by industrialisation. She discovered this when she researched middle and working class couples and their scale of equality; working class participants had less equality on average compared to middle class participants.

This occurred as the higher the class the higher you are in the power hierarchy and those with power had the ability to make a better life for themselves and the people they cared about. The better the life the healthier the relationship, caused by positive and cooler mind sets, which then leads on to joint conjugal roles where neither partner wants to upset the happiness that exists between them. Also in the higher classes friendship circles are very close were all the husbands would socialise together and so would the wife’s leading to joint conjugal roles Bott (1957).

The working class participants as mentioned before had little equality even though the men could make the difference by refreshing otherwise standard attitudes of ignorance and influence of “the housewife”. The housewife being the idea that childcare and housework are defined as female roles (Item B). The power hierarchy triangle , using my chained analysis, can be used as a life standard scale then also a healthy relationship scale then furthermore an equality scale were on average there is small equality.

To criticise Ann Oakley she did not assess the difficulty of paid work for men in those times as men did have to endure a large amount of responsibility when undergoing mental and physical tasks, when using emotional influence to excel their career and to say the least making sure his family didn’t end up on the streets (welfare and benefits were minuscule). This research if done could tip the scales of equality in this era. Also in those times women didn’t expect to be treated equally the idea of the housewife was passed down from mother to daughter in order for their daughter and her children after to be able to excel in the class system.

So can we really criticise the inequality that men created if the teaching of being the housewife were being passed down by women. Newer studies of the household chore from the British social attitudes survey (1997) showed an increase in the equality between husband and wife where men would contribute to domestic work; march of progress. But all the same the men are still the minority when it comes to the most responsible figure in the household. Which suggests the ideology of the housewife is still present and so the symmetrical family is still an idea society is fighting for; old habits die hard.

In comparison of both research studies I see that the idea of the housewife is still present hindering the chances of equality/the symmetrical family. But equality between couples has developed/progressed as we see men are taking part in more domestic work/household chores. The second type of role that takes part within the family is childcare. Boulton (1983) wrote a book “On Being a Mother” and it discusses how men do look after the children but in their own benefits and didn’t actually take primary responsibility.

In example a mother would need help looking after the children as she had a huge amount of domestic work to tend to so the father would take the children out for ice cream the mother would never be able to do that because she’s always busy and the father gets to go out for pleasure. In this case the children spend time with the father not because the father has the responsibility but because the mother, the primary carer, could not tend to them and in the end the father gets to enjoy his time while the mother is at home putting the family above herself.

There’s a vast amount of inequality between the segregated couples which regresses the idea of the symmetrical family. Ferri and smith (1996) had a similar study but on a vast scale and the found that there was hardly any equality between couples in contributing to family roles as the father would have he easier tasks and the women would be the labour in the household. They also found that if women contributed to putting bread on the table they would still have to contribute to the domestic labour as much as any other women as if it were a privilege to be able to go out and work.

This also contributing to the idea that equality between couples has regressed as the large majority of the data concludes that women are overworked by men. Decision making is the third role that is dispersed between the partners and we find that men usually make larger decisions while women keep to the smaller ones which involve their domestic work. Edgell (1980) found that men made decision on 3 areas that were important to both partners: moving house, finance and cars. While the women would make decision that was important but weren’t seen as important to both partners e. tonight’s diner, shopping for food, children’s clothing etc. Due to the unappreciative attitudes each partner gave to the smaller but frequent tasks women undertook the man was considered as the power house where all decisions of and for the household were made. Understanding this we can see that equality could not progress because both partners are lead to believe that the smaller more frequent tasks are insignificant causing regression in equality between couples. Backing this statement is the second part of Edgell’s study was half the men and women said equality was a bad thing.

We could assume that the man was taking lead on the decision and influencing the wife but most likely they saw each other as incapable of preforming their “set” tasks. Although there are criticisms of Edgell’s study coming from another feminist NB Davis (1991) and she has experienced the idea that women can use their abilities of persuasion and power to manipulate and even undermine men’s’ power. If thought about the hypothesis is valid but there is no study to back that statement how do we know that women only accept their social status so they can sway the power in their direction.

This study was 10 years later and we now have the understanding that women are capable of tipping the power distribution in their favour which may not be the best way to insure equality but it is effective. Even though this occurs I don’t think most women have the capability of subtly controlling men to the point were they have the power and control within the relationship or equal to so I still stand on saying there is a regression in equality between couples. Pahl (1993) in research on the role of finance, the forth role, in a family found the men dominated in controlling the finances of the house.

He found that if both couples were in paid work the man controlling the finances were more common and in the least likely of cases only one of the couples would work and that one would control the finances again most likely the man. We see an emerging pattern of men dominance in any case which regresses the idea of equality in distribution of domestic roles. But Pahl’s study did find equality between men and women in managing the finances (a quarter of the results) which in comparison with industrial times the amount is pretty high as women were expected not to work at all and never to manage finances.

So we can actually derive that there has been a progression, however slow, in the equality of men and women. In criticism men are naturally better at mathematics then women it is known in education that boys usually achieve higher in Maths while women usually excell in English so it can’t just be based on the idea that men dominate the important tasks of the family linking in with decision making. The fifth but one of the most influential roles for men is the career role “someone to put bread on the table”. Martins and Roberts (1984) found that men are more likely to take part in domestic labour if the women worked full time. More likely” is an indication that even though the women took the role of the man would still be disinclined to take the responsibilities of the woman (54%). Women found it much harder to start and grow a career (Item B) so you would think men would have enough understanding and sympathy for the majority to help out but it wasn’t the case. Their second part of the research found that 74% of part time working women took full responsibility for domestic labour. This indicates very low levels of equality in this point in time.

To argue Gershuny (1982) found that on average hours spent on conjugal roles for women was less of that of men if the man was in full time work. In older times on average more men were in full time work than women we would see that men’s argument of equality would be better weighted than women. Sulvian (1996) found that most men spent their free time socialising and relaxing while women spent most of their free time to housework. This point could tip the scales to show balance between men and women on hours spent on conjugal roles; but it really depends on your point of view.

Some people would argue that “a women’s work is never done” because they want to create a perfect home not because they need to. I my opinion women do their work out of good will and because of this progression to the symmetrical family may be hindered. I derived this as women would be less likely to share their conjugal roles with the incapable domestic workers, men. Even with this is sight I see progression in equality amongst couples as Hardill el al (1997) found different data to Martin and Roberts (1984) but found evidence of joint decisions and some movements of equality.

On time based judgements I say that career based roles in contribution to conjugal roles between couples are becoming more equal; as we see an emergence in joint decisions and shared labour. The sixth and darkest side of the family is the emotion and violence role. Duncombe and Marsden (1995) found evidence to construct the triple shift theory were in the most unequal situation women would do the domestic labour be in full employment and use their emotional capabilities to create a stable and happy family.

Their research shows that undertaking the role of emotional work is a great responsibility as you must not only understand yourself but the rest of the family too. Not only that because the children are too young to see the problem and, research shows, the father denies it the women gets singled out. Which leads to the inescapable situation: the women out of good will try to make sure her family see the problem and because of that she is exposed to domestic violence.

Dobash and Dobash (1979) found that out of 137 women 25% of them would receive beatings for poor behaviour. This occurred as they found the power relationship in marriage is unequal between the couples which then affects the later generations understanding of violence within the household due to visual socialisation. They also found that women were incapable of leaving their husbands due to financial dependence so again we find an inescapable situation were women are the victims. If we work through 1979 to 1995 we find that women found 2 escape routes to equality.

One was to gain financial dependence to start careers from young ages and not falling into this oppressed cycle (evidence being Item B “current high levels of divorce”). The other lead into the second oppressed cycle. By looking at this research and understanding the scientific principle of natural selection women have learnt to avoid violence/physical confrontation by becoming skilled in working with people’s emotions. Women may not always fall into the second cycle of oppression depending on their skill in emotion and the characteristics of each of the family members.

These two routes may not always lead to equality but they lead to greater equality than that of the past showing a progression in equality amongst couples in society. Evaluating these different domestic roles I have found one conclusion on the equality between couples and its course. The symmetrical family is a feasible idea but time has taken its toll and partnerships continue to be unequal (Item B) but with time and understanding of this situation we can progress. In the role of household chores we found slow but gaining rogression in the equality amongst couples most likely caused by guilt as it takes time for the reality to sink in to unravel ignorance and primary socialisation. In the role of childcare we see that regression in equality between couples is predictable as the father likes to take the easy way out not seeing or denying the problem the mother gets singled out (against fun). So really in this situation the father is the individual that needs to get the progression of equality motor running.

In the role of decision-making we have seen regression in equality amongst couples this was caused by both partners inability to change for the better were both partners deny the significance of smaller but frequent tasks. In the role of finance we discover that progression is there as men are allowing women to take on careers they are more accepting to the idea of women managing their own finances and in comparison with other roles this one has most progression in equality. In the role of the “bread winner”/careers we see an equal amount of progression as that of finance for the same reason (constant reminders of capability).

In the role of emotions and violence work we derive with understanding that equality is progressing as women were able to grow and overlook their past. With this understanding women are able to show the error in men’s ways and with time ignorance and highly gendered division of labour (Item B) will be a thing of the past and socialisation will work for equality amongst couples. With that being said and the rest of the assessment being considered I can say that roles and relationships amongst couples are becoming more equal because of women.

“Fear comes from uncertainty. When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear.” — William Congreve

For as long as I can remember, my purpose has been to get married and raise a family with someone I love. One of my biggest fears is never getting married or accomplishing some of my life goals. When I was younger getting married used to be just something that all people did, almost like a checklist. I would hear people say ” I can not wait till I get married” or ” When you get married…”

The older I get I see that it is not as pure and ideal as I thought. I have watched people, close to me, get married and, ironically, I know even more people who have gotten a divorce. Marriages have been torn apart because of infidelity, abuse, and/or lack of communication. Through the course of my existence, I have been conditioned to believe that romance and relationships are like books and movies, but as I got older I realized that it is not like that in actual life.

When i was in the fifth grade i watched my 3 best friends parents all get divorced. It was horrible. one of them had to stay with me for almost 2 months because of the situation at home. Ever since then I have been afraid my marriage would not work out or i just would never get married. Seeing the effect divorce had on my friends and their family made my heart hurt. i felt so bad for them. One thing i knew for sure is i did not want it to happen to me.

Marriage is a very challenging factor, but you have to select the proper person, and be aware of that you choose to spend the rest of your life with them. It terrifies me that a lot of them end in divorces, and that it can break your whole family apart. I wanted desperately to be loved unconditionally by someone, but I on occasion experience like I am not good enough, which causes me to push people away.

The thought of marriage is coveted by most people, but legally a marriage is simply a piece of paper binding two humans together by the law. I believe, however, that the fear of marriage, not finding anyone, and the concern of living an unfulfilled existence is without a doubt what is stopping people from accomplishing it. When you are living your life to the fullest and not relying on anyone for your happiness, you automatically entice good people and situations.

If you let go of the worry of now not finding someone, and you stop placing your value outside of yourself, you will no longer experience the need to find any one to love you.You will already love and value your self in every way. You will simply attract someone who provides greater love into your life. You will find someone to fill it with more joy, laughter and super experiences.

Every day I attempt to live my life to the fullest and attempt to be positive and joyful all the time. It is a great deal harder than you think. You in no way know what is going to happen tomorrow, so I attempt to live in the moment through not taking time for granted. I appreciate the small things whilst striving to be the best person I can be. Even if the day is bad, I have learned no longer to stress the negatives, and focus on the right things.

If I go through life questioning that I will never get married or attain any of my goals, they will turn out to be a lot harder. I have now realized that I cant have any expectations when it comes to marriage, however I need to strive to make . I should not be concerned about these conditions or decisions now, as I am still young and believe that the proper person will come into my life. Being scared of marriage is not necessary right now and I believe I will be fine in discovering the right person to get married to.

70% of African women with disabilities get them from their husbands. In Africa, most women have little or no rights. This effects what they can do for work, how their family life is, and what future they have. Women throughout time, especially in African culture, have always been subservient to men. The status of women in Africa is second-rate. In countries like the United States, women have the same rights as men and are almost equal. But in Africa it”s totally different. Women have to know that they should be equal to men.

It’s important to understand that every race is discriminated at one point in time. This should not happen if we have a realization. This understanding would be realizing that everyone put on this planet was created equal. Women, unfortunately, have been very discriminated against, even in this century. Women are so cruelly thought of that now, women see nothing wrong with mental and physical cruelty towards them. Since the status of women in Africa, is so low, it has caused many men to overpower women… physically.

More and more women are being beaten and thinking that it is okay because the women think men are superior to them. A frightening fact is that 16 2/3 percent of women are battered by their partners and 46% of these cases the children are beaten too. “If you go to the police and complain that your husband is abusing you or hitting you the authorities would think, ‘Oh well she probably deserved it! “” Said Lindy Mieza. A woman named Geli wrote about her life in which she says, “My mother… she constantly suffered terrible physical and mental abuse from him… Fifty percent of women in Africa women will be raped in their life time.

There were 23,806 rapes in the first six months of 1996. And what worse is that police estimate that for every rape reported another thirty-five takes place. South Africa, “Already confronting the worlds worst murder rate the country has a harrowing new fact to face: there is a rape every 25 seconds.. ” Geli wrote, “Being raped doesn”t mean it”s by some you don”t know, I was raped by my husband and his friends… ” In conclusion, when men over power women, women feel less and less important and the status of women becomes worse.

Poverty is a problem because most children who grow up in poverty, die there. They don”t necessary get shot or killed, they end up not being able to climb out poverty and get a decent job, especially women. Women in Africa are forced to be prostitutes because they need to support their family. When women do this they end up having a bigger family. Women live in poverty in a disproportionate number. “My mother lived and died in poverty and so did her mom, one day I will too because I have no food or money. ” “Why have women become so much poorer? There is no one reason.

In countries like Kenya and India, cut backs resulting from the International Monetary Fund”s and Structural adjustment policies (SAP”s) have affected women most because they are the main recipients of education and health. ” There are more women than men in poverty. Out of the 4. 3 million displaced 80% of them are women. In a study carried out over 20 years the number of rural women in poverty has increased by 50% reaching an awesome 565 million. “Poverty has influenced women”s lives more than any factor over the last decade. ” If women are in poverty they will not be able to help fight to gain their rights.

For many many years, generations of girls would and will give up their education for their brother because he getting an education is more important than her getting one. Lindy Mieza once said, “If you look at our country, it is the women who are the first to dropped at school to give places to their brothers. ” Girls in Africa get a second class education. Many girls have dropped out of school because they were raped and need to take care of their babies that have no fathers. “I once went to school, but then I was raped and had a baby. ” A fourteen year old girl told a reporter.

Women should be able to go to school just like men but, “Only the wealthiest girls are able to obtain an education. ” , There are 52 million boys who do not go to primary school. But their are 77 million girls who don”t go to school where one learns the two most important things, reading and writing. Because women are that last ones in schools and the first ones out, obviously they are the ones who can”t read. If one took out nine hundred illiterate people, women would out number men two to one. In Africa, 68. 3% of the women can not read. If women aren”t educated then they won”t get jobs and will have no way for a secure future.

Women are taught in their tribes and cultures that it is all right for men to mistreat them. This is not helping women realize that they don”t have to be treated the way they are. Tribal women are brought up thinking it”s okay for them to be men”s slaves. Once an African woman said “I came to the conclusion that part of our problems with men… is that we were brought up to see out lives incomplete without them. We were taught to consider man as our superiors, the absolute rulers not only of our home but of our lives too. “

Geli said “Customs and tradition told us it was normal for men to lie and abuse to cheat and domineer… Geli”s mom was abused by her husband as well as her Grandmother was abused and so was she. Geli grew up think it wasn”t wrong for men to hit women. She Grew up thinking it was all right for her husband to hit her. It wasn”t till American groups came and told her what her husband did was illegal, after that, she left him “Women were told we were duty-bound, to remain steadfast and faithful; to our husband no matter what they did do to us or how undeserving of our affections they were” If women keep growing up thinking that it is right for men to overpower then women will never be equal to men.

Since men make up all of the laws and rules most laws proteins only to men. Laws are only fair to man. Black women of Africa have suffered the most because of discriminating laws. Up in till this century women couldn”t own property, vote. Get jobs, and sometimes even leave the house. “The women acknowledge that under apartheid, women”s issues were pushed to the back burner while black men and women fought together for liberation. But now women are devoting attention to old and pervasive obstacles.

The whole system has placed women in a inferior position. Women were not involved in any environmental decisions or economical decisions. Woman had different jail sentences then men. If a woman killed any one she would be put to a torturous death. If a man he would get a life time sentence with a chance of parole. In Kangaroo courts, punishment for women can be rape by a government official(s). Nelson Mendela the Prime Minister of South Africa once said, “I pay tribute to the mothers and wives of our nation.

You are the rockhard foundation of our struggle. Apartheid has inflicted more pain on you than anyone else. Women can”t be equal to men if laws don”t allow them to. “If you don”t get a chance to take part in you laws you don”t take part in the rules the govern you life” said Mrs. Shays. In African women are very prone to getting diseases. Women not only have to deal with having no rights but they also have to deal with disease. “At the hospitals we see women who are brought in wheel barrows who have had ten pregnancies and have ruptured uteruses. They die in those wheel barrows. In America you have 911. You call on a telephone and an ambulance comes.

Here we can”t call on a phone because their are none and you can”t call for an ambulance because their are none. ” Also malnutrition, starvation, AIDS, and even diarrhea are deadly in Africa. “29. 3 percent of pregnant women have AIDS. ” Nelson Mendela once said “We must give health to the aged to the pregnant women and to the young children. ” Doctors are rare and expensive in Africa. Many people who need them can”t afford them. Women are the main people who take care of the family, and because if they are busy fighting off disease they can”t fight for their rights.

Being sick put a damper on a women”s attitudes. The attitudes of women’s rights are very poor, women and men have bad attitudes about it. Forty women with the idea of them having the right to vote went to court to see what they could do. When the women brought up the idea the judge just sat and laughed. He told them to leave. “Men think nothing about us, we are slaves to them, and nothing more. When we asked for rights they wanted nothing to do with us. Sadly many women felt the same way. “

A women’s rights leader said. Men don”t want to let us share their power” Lindy Meiza tried to lift women attitudes in her speech, “We must think we can. Think you can and you can. Now lets win the rights we deserve!! ” If women think they can they can. They will rise up against men. Just like in the story The Little Engine Who Could he thought he could and then he did it. South Africa has made a new constitution with a charter for women. The new constitution will eliminate all laws that discriminate whites and black, and males and females.

The new constitution with the first charter for women will give women the rights the deserved. Some of the laws are: “Women shall have equal legal status and capacity in civil law including amongst others, full contractual rights, the right to acquire and hold in property, the right to equal in heritance and the right to secure credit” States the charter. “Every woman shall have the right to education and training at any stage of her life in order to realize her full potential. Women shall have special access to funds for education and training. Child care facilities shall be provided.

Education to develop awareness of women”s status, to build women”s self confidence and able them to claim their constitutional and legal rights should be implemented. Ensure women”s full and equal participation in power structures and decision-making. Develop education and training to increase women”s capacity to participate in decision-making and leadership. The state shall establish appropriate institution to ensure the effective protection and promotion of equality for women. Women demand equality in the development, application, adjudication interpretation and enforcement of the law.

Women shall have equality within the family and within marriages and intimate relationships. Women shall have equal rights during and it the dissolution of a marriage. Women married under customary law shall have the right to inherit from their spouses. All family types shall be recognized and treated equally. Women shall have the right to choose the partner of their choice. Women should have equal access to financial resources of the household. Women should have equal decision making powers and access to information in regard to the economic management of the household.

Social services should be a right not a privilege. Women must be protected from sexual harassment and violence in all places where women are working. Violence in all it”s forms is endemic to South African society both sexual and domestic violence are pervasive and all women live under the threat of experience violence women experience secondary victimization at all stages of criminal justice system which shall include the right to be free from all forms of violence in the home in communities in the work pace and in public spaces.

These are some of the important laws for women that will make drastic changes in Africa. Authorities have made some changes to protect women. Last year, marital rape became a crime and women can now more easily obtain restraining orders against their abusers. As a result, an older man who was convicted of raping a nine year old girl received a ten year sentence. Women are getting rights and the MALE government is realizing that they must make both genders equal. “We demand the rights we deserve. ” The women of Africa demanded it and they got it.

Women groups, like the ANC, have been helping women win their rights. “The ANC now regards the champing of women”s rights an integral part of its agenda. ” “Already the ANC has enriched the women”s rights in the charter and constitutional guidelines. ” They”ve made laws with government to become equal. The ANC has strongly advocated that that 33% of all political nominees be women. “Once the ANC was un-banned various groups united to form the Women”s Coalition to facilitate gender issues in neglected for the new government. ” “.. countless other women-the unsung heroines of black women liberation.

If more women join these women”s groups, women will have some control over their own lives. Not only are women helping themselves but now other countries are trying to help African women too. Many countries like the United States have helped Africa by donating money, sending representatives to help villages become better place for women and even given countries food. “… other countries are making giant leaps to show Africa the way. ” The United States aid is providing 65 million or 80% of it”s basic education assistance to Africa, so every child will have access education.

The United States also provided 4 million for the African women abuse. If other countries help Africa it will become a better place for women. Women”s thoughts on the future are strong and hopeful. “The fight will go on forever. Women will never be equal to men. One day men will be equal to women. ” Many leaders even thought even though, being beaten and jailed still are positive. Just like Thandi. She was an ANC leader. She protested against women have to where passes that stated information like birth, place of birth, town and reacords.

At that protest, was arrested and put into jail for eight years. She says, “One is still doughtful about the future. ” Felicia Mabuza, another ANC member, says, “South Africa is going to have to get used to seeing women in the board room as well as the bedroom. ” She also said, “In the coming years black South African women will continue to stand and assume their roles in a fast changing society that is filled with hope and optimism. ” Women in Africa are gaining hope about their future. The more this happens the more confidence they will get and they will soon be able to face men as equals.

To help women in Africa my organization, S. O. F. A. W. , Shout Out For African Women, will show women how to build homes, coaxes the governments to change some laws and most important give all women an education. S. O. F. A. W. will be collecting money from private and public distributors. This money will used for sending our representatives to places of poverty to show women how to build a house. We will teach them the basic skill. They women we teach will show their neighbor and then the neighbor would teach their neighbor and so on.

If we do this more and more women will get out of poverty, less and less women will live in poverty and finally we are teaching women a skill that that will be able to use. The S. O. F. A. W. is going to set up meetings with counties all over Africa. In our meetings we will try to coax the government to change laws so men and women are equal. Then we would help them enforce the laws. If the laws are equal then the women will soon be equal. Finally and most importantly the S. O. F. A. W will build 200 schools.

We will build 100 primary schools because that is where reading and writing are taught, the two most important things in the world. We would build 50 high schools and 50 middle schools. Of course all of these schools will be for girls only. If women are educated the more money would know their laws and how to do something about is. “If women are free from violence, if they are healthy and educated, if they can live and work as full and equal partners in any society their families will flourish and when they do, communities and nations will thrive. ” Bill Clinton.

I personal think that Africa will not remain odd man out. I think this because If organizations like mine help problems like status of women, hunger, over population, health, wildlife, rainforest and black liberation problems like these will be non existancet. Women are humans, they shouldn”t be treated like animals. Like I said before women need education, and jobs. But women also need better health facilities and better shelters. You can help by donating money to organizations like mine. I care because people are being hurt when they shouldn”t be. Please if you can call 1-888-WOMEN-AF.

What would you do if you had lost everything? Everything and everyone you had ever loved was gone due to tragedy. The world is gloomy and ashened. The term ‘society is no longer a familiar word. People have regrouped in clan like packs and you are alone. When the world has fallen apart what do you hold on to? The book ‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy faces a similar situation. Most have already lost their humanity, however, some strive to keep what it left of what they used to be.

Putting all of the gruesome sights of heads on sticks and cannibals aside, there are truly some ndividuals trying to keep their hearts warm and whole. The boy and his attempts to help the helpless, the father and his struggle to stay alive, and the family at the end of the novel are all acts of the struggle of humanity. Throughout the book the boy probably most often keeps his humanity more so than any other. It’s almost as if without him humanity would cease to exist. “You’re not the one who has to worry about everything. ” “He looked up, his wet and grimy face. Yes I am, he said.

I am the one. ” (Cormac, 218) I was never very sure if the eason why he wanted to help others was because of who he was as a person or if it was due to the fact that he was Just a child and it was matter of his innocence. There are numerous incidences of which this shows. For example, there’s a part in the novel where the man and the boy find a man struck by lightning on the side of the road. The man says that there was nothing that they can do for him. The boy becomes so overwhelmed he begins to cry right there on the spot because he too was helpless in this situation.

Earlier they came across an old man by the name of Ely. His age made im fragile and the boy couldn’t help but recognize this. He was so set on feeding this man he had an argument with his father, the only other person he truly has in this world Just because he wanted to help another. In the end the boy won, and Ely wound up staying with the pair a few extra days. My final significant note to the boys humanity is the man on the side of the road who the father was seeking vengeance toward. In the middle of winter, he stripped him of his clothing and left him there.

The man made a comment about not having killed him though the boys rebuttal was But we did. We did kill him. ” (219) He says this knowing that he will freeze to death. This was a changing point for the boy in particular. Another character that truly tries to keep his humanity is the father also known as the man. I am aware that he has had his slip ups, although, his most notable and important act of keeping humanity is trying to stay alive as long as possible for his child and to keep him alive as well. “My Job is to take care of you. I was appointed to do that by God. I will kill anyone who touches you.

Do you understand? ” (65) Is that ot what any parent in the common, regularly functioning world would do? Of course, and because of this continuing act it is his most significant in humanity to be clung too. Despite his illness of accompanied cough and blood he still does everything he can to preserve and continue to take his child passed the limitations of his body while also fghting off the bad guys Just to keep him safe. There’s also the matter of ‘having the fire’ which can be referred to the boy and man as being the good guys. “You nave to carry the tire. ” “l dont know now to. ” mies you do.

It’s inside you. ” 23 This is something that the father consistently trues to instill within his son if incase he does go, he knows who he is and what he is capable. Throughout everything trying to remain positive to keep them both going. Another small quip of humanity that I thought was nice is when they find a vending machine of cola (which the boy has never had) and the man refuses a sip Just so the boy can experience it. He does this because this new post-apocalyptic world never allowed for him to have a childhood, and this experience is something that wouldVe been a part of it.

Even in the darkness he man still finds ways to give the boy what he shouldVe but never had. My final ode to bits of humanity in this novel is the family. At the ending, once the boys father had died there was a family that had been keeping an eye on him. Once the father of the family came to check on the boy instead of killing him or taking his things he offered to take him in. What was also very heartwarming was that he understood how devastated he was, so even at a time where you always have to keep moving he allowed him time with his now deceased father. A real sweet bit was when the mother of the boys family hugged him.